The Golden Nugget May be open , but are they housing all the missing dogs and cats ?I walked through today- are they housing the homeless of lake Charles? Excellent that they have a place to go for housing?
submitted by The premise is simple. Every team in the NBA makes the playoffs and is seeded based on the final regular season standings of the 2016-17 season. The winners are decided based on which team's namesake could beat the other team's namesake in a BO7 series of fights to the death. Each deathmatch will be a 1v1 showdown. Even if a team's name is plural, it will only be represented by one fighter. Each conference has only 15 teams, so the 1-seed gets a first round bye. I've taken lots of liberties and made at least a few assumptions which are probably flawed, but this is my thing and you're not a cop, so bite me.
Chicago Bulls (8) vs
Miami Heat (9) Based on the one Google search result that I looked at, I found that cows sometimes have heat strokes and die. Given that a temperature is an abstract description of a naturally occurring phenomenon and not a physical object, a bull's horns would not be able to harm heat. Since heat can harm a bull, this one goes to the Heat. Victory Heat 4-0
Wizards (4) vs
Magic (13) Wizards are wielders of magic, and without a wielder, magic is ineffectual. Victory Wizards 4-0
Hawks (5) vs
Knicks (12) This one is pretty straightforward. If you put an angry hawk in a room with an angry pair of pants, those pants will usually be torn to shreds within a minute. I'm not saying the knickers won't put up a fight (they might steal a game by inadvertently strangling or suffocating the hawk), but they couldn't reliably win a 7 deathmatch series. Victory Hawks 4-1
Cavaliers (2) vs
Nets (15) Another fairly uncompelling matchup. Cavaliers have weapons. Nets are just nets. Again,
maybe a match gets stolen by a freak strangling incident, but I would consider that less likely than a pair of pants strangling a hawk. The Nets never stood a chance. Victory Cavaliers 4-0
Pacers (7) vs
Pistons (10) ...the [Pacer's] nickname was a combination of the state’s rich history with the harness racing pacers ... and the pace car used for the running of the Indianapolis 500.
I'm going to assume, based on that statement from NBA.com regarding the naming of the Pacers, that a pacer is the driver of a pace car. So, this matchup is a tough one. A piston in a car's engine is probably not going to kill anybody, especially if the person it's supposed to be fighting is smart enough not to stick his hand into it. On the other hand, I stopped at a gas station in Indianapolis once, and this redneck looking guy bumped into me and then told me to "fuck off, queer." Therefore, in my unbiased opinion, pace car drivers from Indiana are probably on average not smart enough to not stick parts of their bodies into a moving piston. Victory Pistons 4-2
Raptors (3) vs
76ers (14) The 76ers are named after the signing of the Declaration of Independence, which happened in 1776. The average American at the time might have had access to guns, but they were unreliable back then. If the raptor's attack was expected, a 76er would come out ahead maybe 50% of the time. If it was unexpected, they probably would have stood next to no chance. This is a close win for the Raps. Victory Raptors 4-2
Bucks (6) vs
Hornets (11) This had potential to be a good matchup for the Hornets if only the rules allowed for gang tactics. However, I believe it would be virtually impossible for one hornet to single-handedly take down one buck. Victory Bucks 4-0
Trail Blazers (8) vs
Nuggets (9) Since the Nuggets' name refers to gold nuggets, this is a pretty easy series for the Blazers. The nuggets could steal a game by making a trail blazer wealthy leading him to going wild and partying which eventually tosses him into a drunken tailspin that causes him to lose his wife and kids and eventually end his own suffering at the end of the rope. However, I believe winning a 7-game series that way is too tall a task. Victory Trail Blazers 4-1
Clippers (4) vs
Timberwolves (13) A "clipper" refers to
this style of ship. In a 7-game series, I believe a timberwolf stands no chance to win even a single contest. For argument's sake, let's say that the wolf avoids being run down by the ship in open water and manages to get on board. Where does he go from there? If the ship is made of wood, he can rip apart some of the panelling, but he will tire very quickly (not to mention mouth splinters). He can tear apart the sails, provided he could get up that high, but the ship will never sink, it just won't move as fast. The wolf will die of old age before the ship is out of working order. Victory Clippers 4-0
Jazz (5) vs
Kings (12) This one took a while for me to decide. I thought the Kings would take the series, but most monarchs don't like being directly involved in conflict themselves, they have others to do that for them. I think the Jazz would lull the Kings into pacifism. The Kings refuse to play after game 1. Victory Jazz 1-0 by forfeit
Spurs (2) vs
Suns (15) The sun is powerful. Too powerful. If I left them in title contention, their dynasty would be everlasting, their reign of terror on the NBA too horrific. No matter the seed, they would annihilate their competition with a swiftness never before witnessed by humankind. The only upside to leaving them in this contest would be that they would win the championship and Kevin Durant, wanting to chase some rings, would leave the Warriors. In order to preemptively address the inevitable league parity complaints, I'm going to do to the Suns what
/NBA seems to want Adam Silver to do to Golden State. Victory Spurs by DQ
Grizzlies (7) vs
Pelicans (10) Put a grizzly in a cage with a pelican and the grizzly will come out ahead 99 times out of 100. The only way I could see the pelican snatching a game is by using its beak to peck the bear's eyes out, but even that's a longshot. Victory Grizzles 4-0
Rockets (3) vs
Lakers (14) For the sake of competitiveness, the rockets are going to be bottle rockets. That's more fun anyway.
As for the Lakers, they got their name when they were based in Minneapolis because of all the lakes in Minnesota, so I'm just assuming that a "laker" is someone who likes chillin' at/on lakes. So a laker might be able to win a game or two by deflecting a rocket with something he's got near him, but he will still lose. Therefore, the Bottle Rockets take this series. Victory Bottle Rockets 4-2
Thunder (6) vs
Mavericks (11) Contrary to popular belief, a maverick is not a horse. It is a term referring to an "unorthodox or independent-minded person" (per Google). With this in mind, the Thunder have their work cut out for them. Most people are not going to die when they hear Thunder. Lightning is the real killer, but their name is the Thunder so they don't take a single game. Victory Mavericks 4-0
Celtics (1) vs
Heat (9) The Celtics, being from Ireland, are not used to high temperatures, and this problem is only exacerbated when you realize how humid Ireland tends to be. The Heat come out strong causing a heat stroke in Game 1 and a summer famine in game 2, but humans are notoriously good at adapting. The Celtic would figure out a way to survive the next 4 games until autumn after the Heat runs out of tricks. Victory Celtics 4-2
Wizards (4) vs
Hawks (5) In game 1, the hawk gets in some early chip damage, meanwhile the wizard relies on topdecking Hex by turn 3 (he's running two copies), but never draws it (praise be unto RNGesus). The hawk steals game 1 but the wizard's magic is eventually too much for the hawk, who finishes the next 4 games as a 0/1 frog with taunt. Victory Wizards 4-1
Cavaliers (2) vs
Pistons (10) Cavaliers are defined as "supporters of King Charles I during the English Civil War." Given that the English Civil War happened in the 17th century, and modern pistons weren't invented until the late 19th century, a cavalier would be initially perplexed by the strange contraption before him. Game 1 sees the cavalier losing a finger, running away and abandoning the fight, and dying to infection. However, the next 4 games are won by repeatedly hacking at the piston with his sword until the piston has ceased to function. Victory Cavaliers 4-1
Raptors (3) vs
Bucks (6) Raptors have very short front legs. This is good news for the buck. It means that any significant damage inflicted by the raptor will have to be done with its mouth. This provides a decent opportunity for the buck to catch the raptor's head in its antlers and poke the raptors eyes or twist its neck. However, I still have to give a very slight edge to the raptor in a 7 game series. It's too fast and the buck doesn't have to strength or speed to win 4 against this prehistoric killing machine. It is close though. Victory Raptors 4-3
Warriors (1) vs
Trail Blazers (8) If a lone explorer was wandering through the wilderness, chances are he would have a weapon with him, either a knife or a small pistol. In the event that he ran into a trained warrior (one who we can assume is trained in close- to medium-ranged combat), this would probably be a pretty close fight. We'll assume that the explorer has a firearm about 50% of the time and in that circumstance, he will kill the warrior before he can attack him about 50% of the time. He would take two games in that manner at most. We can be almost certain that the rest of the encounters will end in a victory for the Warrior. Even if the trail blazer steals another game with his knife, it won't be enough. Victory Warriors 4-3
Clippers (4) vs
Jazz (5) If the boat is made of wood, and jazz music is played from directly in the belly of the ship on the loudest car stereo ever (181.1 db), it's very likely that the speakers through which the music was playing would give out before the ship rattled apart. I can't see the Jazz taking a single game from a clipper. Victory Clippers 4-0
Spurs (2) vs
Grizzles (7) This one is a lot less straightforward than it seems. In order for the grizzly to win, it needs to damage the spur to the point where it ceases to function as it was intended. The only way it could possibly do that is with its mouth. As you know, spurs are pointy, so this could lead to some problems for the grizzly. A nasty gash to the mouth could lead to infection and death. However, a grizzly can close its jaw with a force of 1200 psi. This would leave the spurs mangled and unusable well before the infection could kill the bear. The spurs could take a single game with a well timed slice that would leave the bear fleeing the encounter prematurely, but no more than that. Victory Grizzlies 4-1
Bottle Rockets (3) vs
Mavericks (11) A wayward attitude is not enough to save you from a bottle rocket. Same outcome as the series against the Lakers. Victory Rockets 4-2
Celtics (1) vs
Wizards (4) Game 1 sees the celtic take an early series lead by getting so drunk the wizard's freezing spells couldn't phase him. Game 2, the wizard fires back with devastating burn, ruining the Irishman's potato crops, causing a famine and killing the Irishman with fatigue. Games 3 and 4 are blowouts as the mage can't topdeck answers in the correct order to counter the celtic's barrage of rocks and beer bottles, heavy coins and cane whacks. Game 5 ends when the wizard was holding Frost Nova but couldn't find his Doomsayer and let the celtic live one turn too many. "Fuck you Blizzard!" he cried. "This bullshit game is p2w as fuck. I'm f2p btw." Despite being the superior player, the wizard was demolished. The luck of the Irish was on the celtic's side and they say it's better to be lucky than good. Victory Celtics 4-1
Cavaliers (2) vs
Raptors (3) Cavaliers with their swords and Raptors with the razor sharp teeth and destructive claws, this is one of the most even matchups we've seen thus far. The raptor's elusiveness and power is nothing to be trifled with, but a well-trained swordsman with a keen eye is perhaps more dangerous. All it takes for the cavalier to win is a well timed strike, whereas the raptor needs to rely on injuring his foe enough to be able to finish the job afterwards. The raptor will win a few games as a result of nerves on the cavalier's part, but in the end, sound training trumps unbridled killer instincts. Victory Cavaliers 4-3
Warriors (1) vs
Clippers (4) A warrior walks into a bar... er, I mean a ship. He says sheepishly to the ship, "Hey, uh, I'm gonna tear you apart." And he does, with little resistance. Victory Warriors 4-0
Grizzles (7) vs
Bottle Rockets (3) A grizzly can store up to 10 inches of body fat all over their body. This makes landing a lethal blow with even the most spear-headed of bottle rockets exceptionally difficult. It would take a shot directly to the face or stomach, and those are odds I'm not confident a bottle rocket can overcome 4 times out of 7. Victory Grizzlies 4-2
Celtics (1) vs
Cavaliers (2) The celtic's saving grace against the Wizards was his good fortune. But when your opponent wants to duel with swords instead of playing a children's card game for some inexplicable reason, it's going to take more than luck to come out on top. The celtic finds this out the hard way, as his liquor-fueled haymakers are no match for the cavalier's wicked swordsmanship. The celtic steals Game 3 with a well-timed bottle to the head of the cavalier, but it's not enough.
Victory Cavaliers 4-1 Warriors (1) vs
Grizzlies (7) This series comes down to whether or not the warrior's armor can withstand a grizzly bite. As I mentioned earlier, a grizzly can bite with force as high as 1200 psi, enough to bite through a cast iron skillet. Now I'm not going to pretend to be an expert on metal alloys or protective armor (I've been researching for 30 minutes just for this matchup and haven't found anything helpful), but I'm going to assume that if a bear can bite through cast iron, then it can
at least bite steel armor hard enough that it would break the bones underneath it. If we can overlook my faulty logic to accept that this is the case, then the only chance the warrior stands is landing a killing blow with a sword before the bear reaches him and knocks him over. Since grizzlies can run up to 40 mph, the warrior's swing would have to be pinpoint accurate in order to strike the bear precisely on the skull. I believe this to be incredibly unlikely. If the warrior is a master at his craft, he might win two battles.
Victory Grizzlies 4-2 Cavaliers (2) vs
Grizzlies (7) Pretty uninteresting finals if i'm being honest. I'd say the Cavaliers would fare slightly worse than the Warriors just because a cavalier is a very specific type of warrior from an earlier time period who likely had less training, fewer viable defensive options, and worse technology. Victory Grizzlies 4-1
So there you have it folks. Based on this past season's final standings, the Memphis Grizzlies are the 2017 NBA Mascot Deathmatch Champions. I know most of you were expecting this whole thing to be a setup for a Warriors-Cavs finals joke, and when I saw that they both made it to the Conference Finals, I considered making it happen, but the I decided I'm not going to sacrifice the integrity of my tournament for some dumb memes (never mind the fact that I probably wouldn't have been able to come up with a worthwhile pay-off anyway because I'm not funny). P.S. I was really drunk last night when I started this and then spent like 4 hours on it today. There's no point in me telling you this other than I want somebody to recognize the effort I put into this stupid nonsensical hypothetical tournament P.P.S. Reposted for formatting Tilman J. Fertitta, chairman, CEO and sole shareholder of Fertitta Entertainment, Inc. announced today the highly anticipated Golden Nugget Hotel and Casino Lake Charles is officially open. Located just two hours from Houston, this 1.3 million-square-foot property marks the fifth Golden Nugget and the closest to Texas. Dining Room Now Open! As we reopen our dining rooms, we will continue to practice and take part in preventative measures to ensure the safety of you and your family. We look forward to serving you once again. Landry's Seafood Restaurant is located inside the Golden Nugget Hotel & Casino, Lake Charles. Make Reservations Golden Nugget Lake Charles is pleased to announce that the casino, resort and hotel is now open. Tell Us When You're Staying, We'll Find You Things To Do Refine your search below Golden Nugget Lake Charles will open its casino doors on May 18, the first in the five-property chain to reopen after the coronavirus pandemic shut down gambling operations across the country. "We Tilman J. Fertitta, chairman, CEO and sole shareholder of Fertitta Entertainment, Inc. announced today the highly anticipated Golden Nugget Hotel and Casino Lake Charles is officially open. The Golden Nugget Lake Charles will reopen Tuesday. Oct. 13, 2020, at 12:30 p.m. with social distancing and cleaning guidelines in place. Landry's, Inc. Golden Nugget Lake Charles is pleased to announce that the casino, resort and hotel is now open. Tell Us When You're Staying, We'll Find You Things To Do Refine your search below Golden Nugget Lake Charles. Tilman J. Fertitta, chairman, CEO and sole shareholder of Fertitta Entertainment, Inc. announced today the highly anticipated Golden Nugget Hotel and Casino Lake Louisiana is known for its fascinating mix of cultures, which have turned out some of the most tantalizing cuisines in the nation. With a collection of signature dining concepts from a hospitality leader like Landry’s, it’s little wonder that some of the best restaurants in Lake Charles can be found right here at Golden Nugget. Tilman Fertitta's Golden Nugget Casino Lake Charles reopens its hotel, restaurant and pools Friday, but the casino floor will reopen on Monday after being closed due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
Golden Nugget, Lake Charles's, General Manager Michael Kelly was confident that the casino's executive team and directors had been hard at work insuring that... Golden Nugget, Lake Charles's, General Manager Michael Kelly was confident that the casino's executive team and directors had been hard at work insuring that the anxiously awaited December 8 grand ... 2 Story Room that is right above the pool. Room #5-B About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features Press Copyright Contact us Creators ... The Golden Nuggett, a 1.3 million square foot, $700 million is now open for business. The resort features, 740 hotel rooms and suites, an 18,000 square-foot ... 0:00 - 2:20 Introduction of Dignitarys2:20 - 8:30 Mayor Randy Roach 8:30 - 13:22 Speaker of House Chuck Kleckley 13:22 - 15:30 Louisiana State Police Colonel...
