Do guys sends text with xoxo? If so, with whom do they ...

when a guy texts xoxo

when a guy texts xoxo - win

I feel like I'm being robbed of my life

[rant below]
It's not fair. I'm only 20 years old, and it was 5 years ago when my mom and brother (5 years older than me) found out I was gay by looking through my texts with an ex after I had fallen asleep. Since then, my life has never been the same. I told my family I would get rid of these feelings, that I'm going to change (spoiler alert: I never did but I tried convincing them). Since then, my mom has questioned my dressing habits, always asked who I was talking to (she was right most of the time; I was talking to gay guys when she questioned me, but I always lied), and would gaslight me by saying "think what you being gay would do to the family/your dad who has hypertension/your akhirah". When I moved away to college at a school 1 hr away from my house, I got some freedom, but I still felt like my family had control over me. On weekends or late nights I wanted to go out with other gay guys, but I was so nervous I would get a phone call while I was out and I'd have to explain myself. Because I just didn't even want to deal with it, I didn't let myself do certain things I wanted to.
I've been living at home for about a year now due to quarantine, and I just feel like a husk of myself. I don't smile as much as I used to, it's hard to focus on my studies (I want to go to med school), I'm on my phone/watching YouTube to suppress any thoughts but beat myself up for wasting time and not studying, I overthink all my conversations with my friends, the list goes on and on...
To make matters worse, last year my uncle somehow found out I was gay and told my grandparents. I had to drive over there with my brother to tell them that "I'm not gay, so stop asking" and I had to do the same with my family. I deserve to live my truth; why can't I just live unapologetically like all these heteros?
I started therapy recently, so hopefully that helps with my sadness. I just am so worried that I'm not going to be that well-adjusted, likeable, happy person I deserve to be because of all this trauma. I know I don't have it worse than a lot of people in this sub who may have been kicked out, disowned, etc, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to come out for real because my parents are helping me pay for school.
It wouldn't be an LGBT_Muslims post without some doubts due to Islam: I go to sleep every night thinking "what if tonight's the night where I die?" Am I going to go to hell because I didn't pray any of my salah that just out of laziness/indifference since Allah hates me anyway? Is Allah really going to make my grave so tight and uncomfortable until the Day of Judgement just because I've had extra-marital gay sex?
I'm just so, so tired.
/rant
Please share any words of advice that have helped you get through these times in your life. Anything helps.
EDIT: Thank you everyone who commented!! I read all of them when I woke up, and felt so happy from all the support. I'll reply to each one once my schedule opens up today. xoxo
EDIT 2/5/2021: Yikes, I got swamped with school so now I'm back after a week oof. I think I replied to everyone now though, thank you everyone again!!!
submitted by throwawag191 to LGBT_Muslims [link] [comments]

Did I just find a “Cheap” 187 Part 2: Electric Boogaloo – Beige Trendy GHW from WD Factory via TS Redden

Cover Photo
Disclosure: This was reviewed with no incentives - I did not receive any money off, nor did I get anything for reviewing this trendy.
Y’all, I’m sick. Not in a 🤙 sickkkk bruhhh, radical my dudeeee 🤙 kinda way, I’m literally SICK of 2020. It’s been a year, and I’m so ready for it to be over. It has seriously tested a bitch. I’ve literally been sat with a glass of cheap prosecco in hand, practicing my rendition of Auld Lang Syne, waiting to cheer in 2021 for a solid month now.
To celebrate me getting through 2020 without panic-giving myself quarantine bangs, not resorting to watching Tiger King for the fifth time, and generally not losing the will to live, I thought eff it, treat yoself. And this tall glass of water appeared on redden’s moments, and I was in LOVE (chorus: ˢʰᵉ ʷᵃˢ ᶦⁿ ˡᵒᵛᵉᵉᵉᵉ). While we all love a discrete, subtle flex (looking at you Celine Box), the Trendy CC has that massive, fuck-off ‘Chanel’ panel on the top. She says to hell with subtly. Fuck being demure. In homage to Chad Michaels, she'd say, "I’M CHANEL, BITCH". And, with the sheer ostentatiousness of the trendy, I had to have her.
A few months back, I recently tried out the unheard of ‘FY’ factory for a Chanel CF, which turned out to be amazing quality for the price paid. So in the interest of science and taking one for the team, ya homegirl tested out another unknown factory, WD. It’s what the people want. Don't say I'm not good to ya.
So did WD factory well and truly smash my wig in a million shards and I'm currently on my hands and knees trying to pick up the pieces, or was it a total flop?
~Le Deetzzz~
Who did you buy from? My rep bag plug, TS Redden (currently not accepting customers)
Cost? 1450 yuan + 100 (Redden's comish) + 18 (shipping to warehouse) paid via taobao link
Delivery? EMS to UK via Superbuy (370 yuan)
Photos
Factory
PSPs
Auth
Order Timeline
22nd November: Asked redden if bag was in stock, paid
9th of December: Sent PSPs
13th: Arrived at Superbuy warehouse, shipped to UK same day
18th: Arrived in the UK, Dave must have been feeling dat yuletide joy cause my baby was YEETED through customs
19th: Delivered and in my lil grubby hands
Quality: 10/10
YOU GUYS. THE LEATHER. Oh my gosh, the squishhhhh of the lambskin is to freakin' die for. You can tell this is an extremely well-made bag. The stitching is really impressive too - I've not noticed any loose thread, and the colour of the thread matches beautifully with the leather. The hardware too has a beautiful heft to it as well; you can tell that no corners were cut here. While there was a liiiiil bit of fufu when she came out of the packaging, as soon as I got hit with that chemical stank, it was gone. Having let her breathe while I showed her round her new forever home, she now has this beautiful leathery scent. Kinda like a new car... And I'm into it. Overall, I'm really, really impressed with WD factory so far, I SEE U GIRL
Accuracy: 9.5/10
While I've never even seen an auth trendy IRL never mind holding one, I've compared the lambskin of my auth jumbo CF, and they both have the same smoothness and texture. It feels like running your hand down satin. So. Freakin'. Soft. Beige is notoriously difficult to rep, however she has that beautiful milk-tea, slightly pink-y shade that the auth has. Likewise, that oh-so-famous maroon interior leather is the identical shade to my auth CF. The dimensions are also all correct - like the auth, she's 17.2cm x 25cm x 12.5cm. Her shape is also super accurate as well - in particular, the compartment 'pockets' lie flush, whereas I've seen some trendy reps that almost 'flair out' at the bottom. The inner stamping is pretty much identical to my CF's stamping - same thickness and font. The mona-lisa smile back pocket is EVER so slightly slanted, but I'm not takin any points off, as it's been reiterated before, even the auths suffer from misalignment issues, so it still passes the vibe check. Also, the font on the inside-clasp...thingy (honestly, wtf is this thing called?) ain't it sis - it's too thin when comparing it to the same thing in my auth CF. So, a really, really mean -.5, but let's face it, 1) no one will be IN my bag to see this, and 2) no one fucking cares tbh. Side note: The trendy also came with a roledex worth of paper-work lmao. I'm not sure what to do with it, but it made me feel boogie as hell, so thanks WD factory. I'll read it while I'm avoiding eye contact with my work responsibilities or something.
Satisfaction: 10/10
I mean, considering the the auth costs well over £4000 and the fact I got this for less than 5% of the retail price, I am over the bloody MOON with my new baby. Given that COVID has shot any chances of me to flex on the pores outside my house, I'll be fine flexing on myself while I work-from-home in my pjs loool. But when COVID is over, it's game over for them bitches.
WD factory is no joke, y'all. If you're in the market for a trendy, I can't recommend them enough. Considering a 187 trendy goes for £350 upwards, I can safely say that yes, this is absolutely a cheap 187. Not trying to be your hypeman, but JUST BUY ONE YOU WON'T REGRET IT GORL
Seller: 10/10
Y'all are going to become so friggin' bored of me being nauseatingly sycophantic over Redden, but she really is the queen bee of reps. She works insanely long hours for us buyers, and I just wish I could let her know how much I'm grateful for her without coming across weird, creepy and/or stalkerish. Like sometimes I think, "man, I just wanna take her out to brunch and get day drunk". And honestly her emoji game is the best in the game. I mean, Mona Lisa shooting an "a-ok" absolutely kills me every time she uses it. This one's for u Redden, u da bestest. You keep me lookin' fresh to deathhhh <3
Hope all you ladies, gents and every shade in between have a great Xmas and I hope Santa/ ya fam/friends/sugar daddies spoil ya rotten ✌️ u know u love me, xoxo Sequelae123
submitted by sequelae123 to RepLadies [link] [comments]

how do you get over feeling “claimed” by a friend youve rejected?

tiny bit of background: i (F20) was in a FWB type relationship with my friend (M20). i eventually developed feelings and let him know. he didnt feel the same way and we stopped hooking up for a few months but then started back up again. i have absolutely no romantic feelings left for him, none.
i started seeing someone else (they knew about each other and i was exclusive with neither) and he told me that hearing about me with another guy made him realize he had feelings for me and it was “only me that he wanted”. he told me he was in love with me and wanted to start an exclusive relationship. i didnt feel the same way and i let him down easy, we have seen each other as friends since then but not gone anywhere that wasnt public or hooked up. its been about a month since he initially told me this.
i have noticed he has almost... claimed (?) me in a way. it seems as if he has Decided that i will eventually redevelop feelings for him and come back to him so hes just going to treat me as his gf in the meantime. i feel almost like he is treating me like property. he will call me pet names like “love” and “honey” over text (i do not call him anything but his name), he sends me long texts with red heart emojis, signs all his texts saying he loves me, he seems to do everything a boyfriend would do and it makes me feel icky.
i havent really said anything about it yet to him, i kind of feel like my initial rejection shouldve been enough? im very non confrontational and its an extremely awkward situation. i wouldnt mind if he asked me if he could call me pet names etc, i might even have said sure. but the fact that he just assumed that he has a right to treat me like his girlfriend when ive already established that i am not and never will be his rubs me the wrong way.
has anyone else been in a similar situation ? is this a common way for men to treat women ? i would love some advice or just to hear your stories. thank you xoxo :-)
submitted by manicpixiesteamgirl to TwoXChromosomes [link] [comments]

You’ll feel better with your exhausting dating life after this I promise

Whatsup queens, if you are finding yourself in a tough love/dating life... read this and you’ll feel better i promise lol
So- let me set the stage
Its november 2020- This guy and I start talking, we have been working in the same industry through 2020- so ..alot of mutual co-workers! I’m really picky when it comes to dating due to past drama.. So I asked few of my good friends and coworkers if that guy was genuine or a piece of shit- they all said he’s great, he doesn’t drink or so drugs- he is so kind, nice and funny, they all said.
So ofcourse I start meeting him, its december and honestly I was so impressed by the effort he was making, going out in public holding hands at christmas villages, driving around for hours looking at christmas decorations in the big city.
Alot of hugs, public knowledgement and a true christmas romance if you will.
It was going so well, and the day before new years eve he planned a whole day with surprises for me- he literally picked me up with breakfast and drove out of the city, the whole day was a fairytale. I’m almost 30 and I’ve never had such a great date lol.
We were talking alot and at that fairytale date he was literally talking like we were a thing, it was sl fun and alot of laughs and kisses.
He talked about how he’s always lonely on new years eve and I told him if he would be scared he could call me and I’d defend him from the evil new years eve ghosts, wich he liked..
But when the next day came he said right after midnight, happy new year goodnight..??? I was like ok man no problem sweet dreams
The next days we talked a bit less than before, he is depressed and recently started on antidepressants- so I didn’t think that much off the fewer texts.. at first
He told me I left some makeup and clothes in the car in the roadtrip - not intentionally i promise lol!!! Expensive stuff and I’d never intentionally leave anything more expensive than a postcard in the care of a man with a penis....
We were making goals and plans together for january, and in the middle of the converstation he just stopped-
I was like oh well he fell asleep or something whatever, but the next day he didn’t continue- and I just knew it- he ghosted me!!?
I felt it in my guts but thought it was so unlikely with all the effort he had been making so far- but the days turned into a week and a week into a month- i texted him 2 weeks into the ghosting phase- said “ well atleast return my stuff to me, you know... I don’t care if for some reason you can’t see this going further but its really weird and disrespectful to not return my stuff”
He didn’t answer lol, still viewing my story everyday so HE IS NOT DEAD...
Soon after that I found out that he was dating another girl at the same time, and gave her a freaking christmas present!!! What the ff
She was under the impression that they were in a relationship, and at the same time he was giving me endless effort and romance- turns out that girl and I have a connection through friends and I got that information at my cousins place- the mutual friend of me and that other girl was shocked!!! She didn’t belive that he was pulling that off
She later told her friend about this and she stopped dating him, good for her- she deserves better and so do I
But HE STILL HOLDING MY STUFF HOSTAGE LOL
This is so phatetic because he knows I’m not some random tinder girl with no mutual connection and there is a gooooood chance that we’ll work together again soon- im so curious to know what the hell is going on in his brain!!!
He already knew that I’m no petty bitch, he knew that if he would talk to me and just be honest I’d be like yes bro, make yourself your own priority- im all for encouraging selfcare and sometimes, that means letting people go- for them- and yeah
Anyway I was trying to distract myself from thinking I wasn’t good enough, doubting myself and shit- because by now I’m literally the bad bitch with the good energy and unmatched vibes- I’m perfectly fine single because my happiness is not depending on other peoples behavior.
But it can be hard to force yourself into that mindset when its getting tested -but today he’s still ghosting me- about 6 weeks and counting- in this 6 weeks I’ve really isolated myself and focused on me- and this week I’m starting in graphic design school and opening my first art show and selling my art- all proceeds will be donated to a good cause charity and I’m so proud and thrilled of myself!!!
Few hours ago that motherfucker had the audicity to like a photo on my instagram HAHA
They always come back as some girls say, but this is not the energy we allow back in our lives in 2021..
I love a good charity so he can literally give the next beautiful queeeeeen he meets, my stuff- I don’t need it
But like wtf - literally more nuts in the brain than in the pants
Thanks for coming to my ted talk and I have like 10 years worth of exactly stories like this - tell my your stories so we all can feel our inner queens are not alone
Xoxo
submitted by No-Seaworthiness-231 to Shalligators [link] [comments]

21 [F4M] ny/nyc looking for a connection

Hi I’m 21 years old and I’m from nyc. I’m interested in looking for a long term relationship. I have never been in a real relationship before and just thought to give it a shot. What I’m looking for is a loyal, caring, and kind guy but is also rough and scary when he needs to be. Even though looks is not everything I do want a physical attraction as well. And Im mainly looking for a guy that is understanding and respect my boundaries. I’m in nyc and is looking for someone that is from nyc as well. Also even if we don’t connect for a relationship I wouldn’t mind being friends. I like meeting new people anyways. If u have any questions for me please ask
Somethings about me:
*I love ice cream
*I like cake more than candy
*I love horror movies
*I love fashion and I definitely know how to dress
*I love shopping and helping people shop
*I like to dance
*I am 5’9
*I’m goofy
*It takes time to get me comfortable with strangers And I’m mostly a good girl
*I love purple
Ps: i am a African American girl. I think this is important to tell u this before messaging me because I have noticed that a lot of the men that message me get mad or vanish after I tell or show them I’m African American. I am lightskin with beautiful curly hair, a curvy/chubby sexy/cute body and a killer smile with dimples. (If you are gonna message me tell me ur favorite horror movie. If you don’t like horror tell me ur favorite movie.)Please do not send mean things to me. And please do not message me if you are just gonna ghost me. It hurts my feelings when people stop texting me out of no where because I don’t know why you left. If you don’t wanna keep speaking to me that is fine but just tell me that, don’t just leave. So if you are a person that ghost people then don’t text me. Also do not text me if your just looking for sex because ur not gonna get it. Okie bye!
xoxo- Lola
submitted by lolalovesweet to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]

Today I saw another semi homophobic hate-filled Facebook post from my Dad, and for so long I’ve stayed quiet, until 5AM this morning...

My text to my Dad
You know, it took me a little bit to accept your new way of political thinking, because for me, I always saw you as my Dad who knew there was more to someone then the surface or what someone says about someone else. Because you can sit down with someone you never thought you would like and you might end up actually liking them. You were never the fancy doctor even though you could have been, because you wanted to help women who didn't have so much to give, and that was okay with you, because you weren’t the kind to take. Making a difference and knowing you helped was was enough. I've had to come to terms with your political ideology along with the everyday reproving Facebook posts. I can't even say I blame you, or anyone else that works 80 hours a week while people that do nothing sit around and collect half your paycheck that you woke up at 4AM for or all the moments you've lost because you were being only being responsible. I've even tried to find understanding in your beliefs after Trump played golf for a week while moms, dads and grandparents were dying because he couldn't accept the most tightly ran, paper only ballet, loosing 60 court hearings, multiple investigations, Election Result. I will accept all of it, whatever Dad. But talking about transsexuals and gay people? Did you forget? I came out when I was 14 but everyone knew I was gay since I was little. I came out not because I wanted to, but because I had to. Because if I didn't, I would by lying to you and myself. I didn’t chose to be this way, to grow up bullied and confused, heartsick. It honestly has brought me more problems in my life then most, it's the reason for a lot of my poor decisions and unfortunate outcomes. When I go into a clothing store, I don't pick out the clothes I wear because "that's what guys would wear." I pick it out, because I like it, because just like you when you go shopping or choose the flavor of ice cream you get at Baskin Robbins, it’s natural. I never tried fighting against what I liked or wanted and because of you and mom is what made that happen for me. I had gay friends sleeping in their parents garage on dog beds after coming out, while you and mom never once made me feel bad about being who I was, and even let that friend of mine live with us. You were kind to him and gave him a place to live, the same with mom. But for respect of me, and other people can you stop the homophonic hate speech. Cheney is a conservative with a gay daughter and even he never said anything about that because it's wrong. If you don’t I’m still going to love you tomorrow even if you posted about gay people everyday, because I can’t believe I’m 31 and before I know it I’ll be 61 if I’m lucky, maybe 80. Then one day all the sudden, all of this will seem so small, because my time is up, you and mom are gone, and I’m watching everyone I ever cared to love to go away forever. You found a wife who loves you whole heartily and made two beautiful babies that I love very much, a boy and a girl just like me and Austin. They are growing up in a world where gays and black people and even gay black people are going to do important things, Mexicans are becoming Americans, White supremacist spilling violence into the streets, and it’s all happening while Mom is a nurse getting to keep 65% of her paycheck. Do you really think thats going to change?? Trumps kids are big game hunters, killing animals so they have a trophy of self worth, the rich are pissed because they have to give up billions of dollars because the 20 billion they have isn't enough and will destroy anyone who gets in their way to keep it from being put into the pocket of someone who needs groceries. But in turn you live in the greatest Country in the world. You’re not the only Dad of a lesbian daughter. I hope Casey and Chloe are taught to look at the bigger picture like you did me and Austin. Austin and I have our issues, since we didn’t turn out to be very self supporting or responsible at times, but we’re only lucky enough to be who we are now because of the values we were taught to believe in. We were only had a slow start because we didn’t believe in ourselves. Anyways, sorry for the super long cliche dramatic woe is me speech. Love you XOXO. -Alex
submitted by upinarmss to lgbt [link] [comments]

29 [F4M] USA/CST - Are you ready for this wild ride?

…No but really, this post is long af, but I hope you buckle up and enjoy this musical ride! All links are definitely SFW.
I am looking for someone to keep me company. The idea is to have someone to cut up with throughout the day, send silly pictures and memes, see where things lead and basically be obsessed with each other so much that it would make people gag. (Not like gagging is ever a bad thing...) I miss having someone who reciprocates the same kind of energy and share mutual, obsessive feelings for each other and be that everything. Like when my phone lights up, all I want to see is your name and get rushed with butterflies all over again. I just want to be neurotic like Luke Bryan.
About me:
What I'm looking for:
I’ll send a picture in return if you send yours first. I think we can all agree that physical attraction is important, but it is not the MOST important. I would actually very much to prefer to voice chat, because there is just something about feeling someone’s smile over the phone. If you think you’re the one, send me a PM, because I don't wanna try nomore. Are you ready to take my hand on this ride because I’m waiting for you to (take my breath away. xoxo. :)
PS - Definitely not afraid to tell people we met on Reddit. LOL
submitted by whodatcece to Kikpals [link] [comments]

Transition can be really, really good! (or "How I learned to pretend like I wasn't depressed and love the bomb") Part 2.2. Or part 4. whatever... It's a continuation of my way too long story. With pictures and stuff.

Welcome back to my rambling, aphasic story about my transition!! Here’s the previous part (which also links to the previous, previous parts). So where were we? It’s May something or rather. There was Something about me being bi and how I’d discovered that boys and girls are both hot. And there was this whole thing about me trying to deal with that and how I even got to that point. Well not to skip ahead too much, but I am so very bi. Or pan or whatever. I like bi as my label, mostly because I LOVE the bi flag. Bi pride!! Anyway, I think boys are cute. And girls are cute. And enbies are cute. And just… everyone. Everyone is cute. Especially the person reading this: you’re adorable and amazing. I just honestly don’t care at all about the gender of the person I like, only that I like them, and they are a consenting adult person. But I was still figuring all that out back then; just dipping one terrified toe in so to speak. Also, I have to get back into a sort of bad headspace to write this. In May I was really falling deeper into depression and not pushing away from it. I was very confused by the way I felt about my sexuality “shifting” and was still trying to figure out what that all meant. I try to make it all seem fun, but for serious it was rough for me and a lot of the things I did and thought were influenced by how depressed I was. Sorry if that’s a bit of a downer. Just hold out with me till about August and things get better, I promise.
So, hopping back in, I was rather recently separated and in a position to be dating again (at least physically, mentally is a WHOLE ‘nother thing). And I was at least tangentially aware that I was probably, maybe, attracted to men as well as women. That being said, I really wanted to be alone forever and wallow in misery. But my wife actually encouraged me to make profiles on Tinder and Bumble. I was heavily of the opinion that I was manish, undatable and unlikable. It had taken me AGES to find and have all of my previous relationships, so I figured that trend would continue. It took me a bit to feel comfortable with it all, but eventually I gave in and we made some profiles together. I put in that I was looking for women, of course, and (on a lark) men too. I was met with… mixed success... Okay, not so mixed, lol. I got SO many matches!! I was so very not prepared for it… Lots and lots of guys and a handful of girls.
So I’m going to take a quick moment here to talk about some of the guys that contacted me. I’m going to call them chasers because that feels like the most appropriate name to me. Yeah, diving right into that controversial shit today. Cool. For reference, I don’t mean this to be political or controversial, but I know there’s some differing opinions and thoughts out there about this topic. So let me make it clear that these are my opinions. I have never claimed to be either right, or a good person. Maybe I’m a shite person (I make that exact argument several times in fact), and my opinions are garbage. But They’re still my garbage opinions and my shite personality, so I’ll just have to deal with the fact that that’s who I am. /shrug. Anyway; chasers. Fuck chasers. Those people never even saw me as human, and it really messed with me at first. No… it still messes with me. Their desire was for me as essentially an inanimate object. They just wanted to fuck me like I was some sex doll, and then throw me away. I was a disposable, subhuman thing to them, good only for fulfilling their imagined pornographic fantasies and desires. And some, I assume, were good people.
I got contacted by so many guys that wanted me to top them. Btw, that, in and of itself, is not a terrible thing mind you. Not a thing I like or will ever do, but by no means bad. That’s exclusively down to preference and comfort. It’s just that these guys did not actually give any fucks about me as a person, despite how it seemed at first, they just wanted me for that one part of me. like I was a porn video they could get off to once then discard. Literally all they cared about was the fact that I had boobs and a girldick, and that they wanted that girldick used on them. In their asses, presumably. A thing about those guys; a lot of them seem really sweet at first. They seemed so interested in me and so genuine! They wanted to know how things were going, and they were SO complimentary. It was really the first time anyone had acted head over heels for me, so I was a bit entranced. But inevitably, we’d start texting about more… explicit things (because they led me there). And eventually, they’d ask me about my OEM equipment. Did I have my **** and would I use it on them? Was I ****? Would I *** on their ****? Could I bend them over and **** them in their ***? Or let them **** my ****?? Needless to say, I was creeped out. I was wildly unprepared for this at first… It takes some work to figure out their tack. To figure out what they’re into and where their interest lies. Once you see it though, the pattern is clear as day; There’s a preamble of quick conversation where they ask you surface level questions, but never anything too intense or deep… nothing designed to really know you as a person, just what they think is the minimum small talk they can engage in before shifting to whether I’ve had “THE SURGERY” yet. Then all they care about is sex and they only want me if I’ll use my girldick on them. (Okay, I’ll stop posting memes. Sorry. Kinda.) But If you push back, tell them you need time, that you don’t do one night stands, don’t top, or that you want to get to know them more before talking about that stuff, they ghost you. Because to these creeps I was NOT a person, and any amount of continued effort was too much.
For however disgusted I was by the way some of these guys treated me, I did figure out that I was very, very into men. Provided, of course, they were willing to engage with me under MY conditions, and not some weird porn fantasy. Ugh, again, fuck chasers. But in and amongst the garbage chasers, I did actually find a few decent guys and gals. I will very briefly and in much less detail than is necessary or right, talk about Tyler (not his real name). Ty was a decent fellow and seemed interested in me as a person. Mostly at least. We had a few good conversations on tinder and then decided to meet up for a cup of coffee. Gods, I was sooooo nervous!! Like crawling out my skin!! This was my first date with a man… and my first date as a girl. Omfg I was like all over the place!!! He turned out to be a sweetheart and a gentleman, honestly. He bought me a cup of coffee and we went walking for a while. After a few hours he asked me if I wanted to go hang out at his place for a bit and “play video games”… Yeah, that’s gotta be code, right? So we went over to his place and… he made me watch him play Fallout 76 for like an hour and a half. No lie. I’d have never thought that anyone would want to subject a date to that… but here I was, watching this reasonably sweet and pretty cute guy play one of the worst videogames ever. For HOURS. I don’t have enough faces or enough palms to palm my face enough times to properly express to you all how bad and stupid it was. Now eventually he kissed me and we did… stuff and things that I thoroughly enjoyed. Or I guess I did stuff and things to him that we both thoroughly enjoyed. I guess I’m bi and a whore. Good to know.
I don’t have a good segue here… I can try though I guess. Uhhh… So speaking of Tyler, and how I dated him for like 2 weeks then unceremoniously dumped him, it was June! See? Awful. I don’t really want to talk about my dating life too much, but I also briefly dated a girl I’ll call Abby. Abby dumped me after like 2 weeks much like I dumped Tyler, and for similar reasons, so I guess karma evens out (sort of like how my Karma count on reddit evens out from all the downvotes I get arguing with TERFs in news or thisubisnotabouttransissues.) I guess I should be all introspective and serious again now. As a recap, it was June, less than 2 months after my wife had ended our 10 year-long marriage, and I had blown through 2 relationships already. Clearly, I was not ready for this kind of thing. I am about to be scathing in my review of myself: I was relying on other people to be my source of happiness. Tyler was too into the idea of me to be actually into me and so I didn’t feel validated enough, and I was too clingy with Abby and demanded far more of her emotional resources and attention than was fair. At that moment I needed someone who could shower me in genuine attention so that I could focus all of my internal insecurities onto an outside source and use that as my primary fount of happiness. Which, in case it’s not super obvious, is just a really terrible thing to do to someone.
So faced with this situation where I desperately wanted external validation, but clearly could not handle the responsibility of that, I made the only decision I could: be alone. Oh, and cut my bangs. Btw, that’s my real hair. I was wearing a wig in public at that point still, but this was my real hair I cut. Anyway, I turned off my dating apps ending my brief experiment. I needed to figure out who the hell I was. Ugh, I need to wax poetic again. Is that getting tiring??? I bet it is. Well, bear with me a few more times while I pretend myself to be a Greek philosopher. I had to figure out who I was without relating that self-perception to other people. Who am I in a vacuum? If I am alone and have no one to bounce off of, what is the… me that exists there? Cause if my problem is that I seek too much external validation, then the solution is that I need to find internal validation, and then project that outwardly as confidence and leverage that into making better relationships; both romantic and platonic. So I tried to do what I had done before and kind of look back at the most recent save file for my base identity and work from there. Except I’d corrupted my save files by modding in the gender switch, and now I couldn’t use any of that data. Crud.
I’m not gonna lie, I felt lost. Like REALLY lost. I was this essentially new person who I barely knew and I had just lost a huge portion of my identity with the separation. I had been referring to my marriage and wife as “Anchors”, because I realized just how much of myself I’d rooted in her and our relationship. That and being a mother were pretty much all I had at that point in my life, so when I lost her and the relationship (and the 2 more that followed) I was kind of screwed, existentially speaking. My problem was that I was essentially floating free. No anchors anywhere in sight. I’d need to make a new one… Or several.
I think that this is a good time to bring up my friends, though honestly they’re really more like sisters. I’m going to use their real names because I love them and they deserve all the recognition that a minor reddit post will bring them (plus I specifically asked all of them and they all consented): Julie (and her wife Luna), Saoirse (pr. Se’er- Shuh), Olivia(Liv), Alexandria(Lexi), and Aeris. Anyway, through a series of ridiculous coincidences I met all of them and we formed a group together. All being trans and in somewhat different stages of transition, we’ve been able to help each other and talk through anything that any one of us is dealing with. They are a friend group, therapy group, meme exchange, venting channel, political discussion group, and other stuff. I’ve leaned on them a lot. When I said earlier that I talked to my chosen family, it’s these girls I’m talking about. They are amazing and I love them all. I’m bringing them up here because I think that it’s easier to do this now so that I can reference them all later. I don’t have anything else specific to say at the moment. Just that my girls exist, and I love them xoxo.
So… Anchors. I needed to figure out what in my life made me, me. I decided that I would take this in two steps. Step 1: figure out who I am alone (I’d need at least a few months to do this). And step 2: figure out who I am in relation to other people (my girls, mentioned above, helped out with this as well as future dating partners). I started with just focusing on step 1 by itself, but have moved on to doing both more or less concurrently. I want to be able to pass down some answers from on high about how I figured out my existentiality and reached nirvana, but I’m just not that cool. I think that I’ve gotten closer to figuring myself out irrespective of my relationship to other people, and I am learning a LOT about my “self” as it relates to others right now. About my interdependencies and self actualization, and blah blah blah. This is all just a sort of self-discovery, right? Btw, doing this in month or 2 is a laugh. This is gonna take me years, I think. Maybe when I’m done I can go be a famous you-tuber passing along my proto-philosophical wisdom to the masses ala our Dark Mistress Contrapoints. But for now, I’ll settle for a middling reddit post.
Anyway, let’s move on. I don’t have any answers about my existential crises for now, but just know that I was kind of floating blindly and trying to figure myself out. June is also the anniversary of my coming out. June 22 specifically. I’d left my ex the letter on my computer exactly one year prior on that day. She’d later given me this really cute print out of the position of the planets in our solar system that day. My first day being honest with myself and her. I’d framed it and hung in the hallway. I took it down when we separated because of what it represented to me and how it had felt like this amazing thing before and now felt… tainted I guess. I still have it down. I’m not sure if I’ll ever appreciate it the way I used to, but I will absolutely acknowledge just how sweet that picture is. I did not feel like celebrating my coming out day this year… Maybe I’ll feel like it next year. I felt the same way a month later on my 1 year hormone anniversary on July 28, 2020. I just didn’t want to celebrate it at the time. I hope that my 2 year anniversaries are significantly better.
My wife ended up moving out in mid-June or so too. She went to go live with her mom and we started to work out a way to split up our time with the kids. She was planning on doing one of those tech boot-camps to give her some new workplace skills and move into a better career (a thing that she has since done and enjoyed a lot). But the gist here is that I was now alone at home for extended periods of time for the first time since before I’d met my wife about 12 years prior. I was ALWAYS with her or kids or something. I had an hour or two here or there, maybe a day or weekend, but not like this. Not LIVING alone. It was crushing in its emptiness… What I really needed to be able to get more human contact in. What I needed was to be able to go out and have fun. See my friends. Get a little drunk and give out my number at a bar. Buuuuutt… COVID. I couldn’t really even leave the house. Ugh, what a year 2020 was… In lieu of being able to go out though, I did the very next best thing, which I still do to this day, and talked regularly with my girlfriends.
I think maybe one of the best ways to make sure that you can stay grounded and not get lost in that despair is a good friend group. And in times like this, that can be just so important to have that contact and companionship. Going through all of that turmoil and discontent alone probably would have pushed me to a different result… Having my girls to talk to and bounce off of was a really great thing. There were a few times when I would talk to them late into the night about whatever was ailing us! It was cathartic and helpful in a way that few things are. There was one night I remember distinctly that Julie, Luna and I all stayed up till like 1 in the morning drinking wine and champagne together over discord till we were all drunk and rolling around on the floor laughing together (me alone in my empty house and them in their place in California). They are some of my best friends and I have no idea what I would do with out them!!! We would all of us meet up at least once a week too, and have a zoom call. Just talk for hours and discuss the problems of the world, our individual problems, HRT, emotions, good stuff, bad stuff, stupid stuff, whatever. It was, and is, a blast and something I look forward to every week. Get yourself some girls like this. Trust me.
But as you may be able to tell, I have this whole sadness that’s still sort of worming it’s way into my life here. I was still not on my anti-depressants at this point, that wouldn’t happen till August, and I was struggling to cope. My friends and my kids were keeping me around and engaged, but I was not doing well. Everything felt so suffocating. And I was avoiding my therapist too. I’d had one session with her in like early May and was now verging on 2 months of not talking to her. Not a great thing to do when you feel this bad btw. And then it was Father’s day... Do I celebrate Father’s Day? I’d had people tell me happy Mother’s Day, and that felt appropriate, though perhaps not… deserved? I was super confused about what I should do here… We decided to kind of half celebrate it… We went up into wilderness and did a hiking trail. It was nice!! I just felt so… weird about it all. There’s this super interesting shift between celebrating Father’s Day last year to feeling like that’s inappropriate this year. Ugh, it feels so jumbled up… Mother’s Day, Father’s day… blah. There should just be 2 nongendered parent’s days. All I felt was like I was in between and didn’t deserve either day anyway, so that made it even worse.
There’s I think a lot to address in that last paragraph… See, there was this period where I felt like I didn’t deserve to be called a mother, or even a woman. Like it was something I had to earn. It was this feeling like I had to be worthy of being a woman and that I was somehow falling short. That’s crap btw. I “deserved” it, whatever that even means, whether I thought so at the time or not. I am a mother through and through and I do deserve to be celebrated on Mother’s Day. I am a woman in every sense and that is not something that has requirements other than just being one. Like, being a woman is a state of being, one which I am in, and not something that is a question of desert. People simply are their gender. TERFs and other pieces of shit contribute to the notion that there is something unworthy about trans women. That they are women* and not just women. I‘ve even rather recently argued with a TERF who basically told me this exact thing. And fuck her. Don’t internalize any of that bullshit if you can help it. Whoever you are that’s reading this, you are valid, and amazing and uniquely you!! Never lose sight of that!!
Anyway, back to me being an upside-down depressed girl. I was sinking into this boredom and malaise and I wanted out of it. I needed to do something. I needed to get out and be reckless and try something interesting and new. I needed to be alone… kind of. I just needed something to change and get me away from all of the depression and melancholy that I was wallowing in. So after going around on a few different things, I decided that I was going to go to California! To Napa, specifically, and to go get drunk for a few days with my girlfriends. That felt like JUST the thing I needed. Girlfriends and wine. God I’m such a basic white girl. I did some research to try and get the emptiest airport I could so that I could avoid as much COVID as possible, we got some hotel rooms, scheduled a driver in wine country and we were off!!
Primarily I met up with Julie and her wife Luna. We had rooms in the same hotel and spent a few days together in Napa. We went to nice restaurants and sat outside all done up in our best makeup and prettiest dresses. Everywhere we went we were greeted with “Hello ladies,” which I thoroughly appreciated (proper gendering euphoria ftw, yo). It was a BLAST!! We went to 4 different wineries, all with something different and unique to offer us. We spent way too much money on bottles of wine. We absolutely spent the entire day, and then some, pretty drunk. A waiter lightly hit on me in a rooftop bar. It was amazing!! I feel like I could write a whole thing on just my few days in Napa. Maybe I will for my poorly reviewed self-published book that I’ll release in 2025.
The following day, Julie and I drove back to her and Luna’s place (which was also in CA) while Luna took their car back. We tried to visit Saoirse, who was on the way, but unfortunately she was having a super rough week and wasn’t really up to it. We dropped off some wine and well wishes, waving at her through the window, and continued on. At Julie and Luna’s we played video games and ate wonderful homemade food and generally relaxed. It was really nice. I was SOOOOO not ready to go home at the end of my 3 days. I’m not sure what else to say here honestly… I probably could, but like, do I keep just going on about it? Nah, seems good to stop here. And it was definitely what I needed. A distraction, and comfort. A way to let go of all the crap I was dealing with, even for a few days. Forgetting about all the tribulations and the hectic slowness of my life. Back to the grind I guess! I came back to my home and just sort of sunk back into things. I want to tell more interesting stories about things that happened, but when you’re depressed there just aren’t any. I was just sort of… there. I was able to get out of bed every day and I didn’t die due to self-negligence. That’s really all I can say here. I was playing a lot of FFXIV too. That was fun at least.
My one year HRT anniversary came and went with little fan-fare. In my journal I apologized to myself for how trash my entry that day was. It was lamenting the fact that I had nothing good or inspirational to say. And that, plus the fact that I was slipping back into a heavy malaise, is what drove me to FINALLY call my therapist again and set up a new appointment. I talked to her and I cried through the entire session. I told her that I felt inhuman. That I wasn’t in control of my emotions and I was sad all the time. That I needed to be severely distracted or drunk to not feel lonely and awful. That I wished I was dead. That I needed help. She gave me a recommendation for anti-depressants, and I set an appointment with my GP that same day. I really should have done that a LOT sooner. I’m going to repeat the lines that I put in the previous section discussing this. They bear repeating:
For anyone who needs to hear this; YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! And it is NOT your “fault” that you are trans. There is no fault and no blame to be had anywhere. Your existence is not “wrong” and you are not “bad” for existing. You are being true to yourself and working on being the best you that you can be. And that’s exactly what we should all do. Work to be the best self that we can be!! Find a place where who you are and what you’re doing makes you happy. That’s what’s important. But please, please, please, if you’re having a rough go of things, don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family, therapists or dumb bitches on reddit giving you unwanted lectures about your mental health. (here’s the number and website for the Trans Lifeline, in case anyone needs this right now: (877) 565-8860 / https://translifeline.org) And legit, please feel free to DM me if you want.
August was a big month. I stopped wearing my wig because I finally felt like my hair was long and femme enough to present femme reliably. I’d get extensions in September, but we can talk about that later. August is also when I started taking Prozac. And I do want to talk a bit about anti-depressants and the stigmatization that I think many of us still buy into. One of my girls was feeling pretty down for a while and she told me that she didn’t want to start on anti-depressants because the HRT should be enough. Let me say this very, very clearly – Being trans and being depressed are not the same thing - You can be trans and not depressed and you be depressed and not trans. Or, and this is important, you can be both. They are NOT mutually exclusive. When I first started on HRT I felt AMAZING. It really did lift my depression! And for a bit, for months really, I felt like I didn’t need to take anything else because the HRT should be enough. I bought into that crap too. But the more depressed I got, the more I realized that my HRT had nothing to do with depression. Depression is usually to do with a lack of sufficient serotonin (more or less). It has nothing to do with primary sex hormones (I mean… it does… but lets not get TOO into endocrinology and neurology here). And please, don’t get me wrong: HRT is a life saver!! It made me feel so much better and more human!! But it did not cure or treat my depression. That was independent of my transness and required a different treatment. Prozac, to be specific.
It took a few weeks on my anti-depressants before I started to feel better. I’d been crying hard every single day and was totally losing myself. At first, it sort of turned me off… I wasn’t sad, but I certainly wasn’t happy. I was a little… nothing. I didn’t like that, but I kept on. For like 2 weeks I couldn’t cry. I almost stopped because I wasn’t willing to give up my emotions, but they did return. And here’s what I felt when I started to feel what I’d describe as normal again. I found that I had a bit of a volume knob on my emotions now. Not like complete control, but it was like I could tune it between the nearest 2 notches or so. Like if I was feeling 9 sad, I could let it creep up to an 11 if I wanted or hold it back to a 7 or so. I still felt it all!! I just had some control over it. That really let me understand just how badly I was letting my emotions run my life. I had lost control and it took regaining some of it to see just how much. E is a ride!! It’s sort of like riding on the air drifts around those huge dragons in Breath of the Wild. I was just drifting along, running out of stamina, losing control and about to careen into the spikes on it’s back. Riding the dragon is such a trip. It takes practice and determination, and sometimes, help. Don’t be afraid to ask for that help.
Alright, I think I’ve imposed on all y’alls time enough for today! Know that things start getting better from here on out. This is more or less the end of this depressive phase I was going through. Not to say that things are rose petals and rainbow poptarts after this, but the Prozac saved my life and really turned things around for me. By September I was trying to date again. I have a one hell of a story about a wonderful woman I met whom I’ll call River, both as a Dr. Who reference and because it’s a bit of a pun on her real name. I met a few guys too. I made new friends and did more interesting things. Relationships ended. Elections happened. I got an RTX 3080. I think on the next entry I should probably get pretty well caught up to real time so that I can take another 9 month long break from writing this. I hope all you wonderful folks have the best weekend or week or day or whatever. Be happy and go forth into the world with confidence and vigor!! Be yourselves and be your best self. Bye-bye lovelies!!
submitted by pocket_of_posies_ to MtF [link] [comments]

I just had the worst sex of my life and he blamed it on me.

I'm 22F and he's 20M, both in college. We've been talking to each other for awhile and within the last month or two, our texting has gotten pretty sexual. We exchanged nudes and sexted all the time and my self confidence has never been higher!
I've been sexually active since I was 15 but only ever had sex with two long term (2+ years) partners, but have fooled around plenty. He's a stereotypical frat boy and considers himself a self-proclaimed sex god. Okay, he's cocky. Maybe there's some truth to it? I thought.
We agreed to start a FWB thing and I drove two hours to go see him last night. I arrived at his building and he took me to his room and I was really nervous so he just kissed me, which was nice. But he was probably one of the worse kissers I've experienced. Tongue immediately down my throat, little lip movement. Within a few seconds of us making out he starts rubbing my cooch like it's sandpaper and he has a woodshop project due tomorrow. Okay, whatever, not many guys are good at fingering.
He takes off my pants. This is less than 5 minutes in, so I'm still trying to get turned on. He immediately divebombs two fingers into my vagina and starts jackhammering away and playing with my clit like it's a turntable. I tell him, in the nicest, sexiest way possible, "hey there, eaaaasy. Do it like this." and I show him how I like it but he doesn't really give a fuck and just continues playing DJ on my clit and jackhammering away at my vagina. Bonus: his nails aren't clipped and I can feel it.
I decide to go down on him since it's something we've talked about. Now folks, one thing I *will* brag about is that my blowjob game is good. I made a boy post-orgasm weep tears of joy before and he raved about it to our friends for some reason. I know I'm good, it's my specialty. But one thing I, nor 99% of women don't like, is having our head violently pushed down without warning as soon as you start. It's been awhile for me and there's a learning curve with every new penis you encounter, correct? I was still trying to get the hang of the vibe but he immediately crushes my skull down the entire length his average dick and then goes "can you use less teeth?" Motherfucker. Fine. I don't use my mouth and just lick it and use hands instead like he instructed.
Okay, fine. We're both naked. He's giving me a hickey which I think is pretty juvenile but at this point I don't care, let's just fuck on this twin xl dorm bed. So he puts a condom on, which I had to supply, and just shoves it in. No easing, no teasing, ouch. Okay, main event, let's go! He just looks down the entire time at his dick in my vagina and slowly, very shallowly thrusts. Not much stimulation and I'm trying my best to move my hips around and grab his ass to go in more, but he's not having it. I ask him to use his hands too but he thinks that means grab my boobs. Maybe he's trying not to blow his load immediately? I suggest we change it up and go from behind — he's an ass man after all.
I turn around and back my ass up onto his dick, he puts it in and before I can shake my ass twice, he cums. He apologizes. Cute, flattering, okay. My turn to get off now. No. He gets off the bed, throws the used condom on the desk because he doesn’t own a trash bin for some reason, and keeps jerking off. "This is weird," he said. "Oh? In a bad way?" I asked. "No, I don't think so. Just weird." Okay, well that's weird.
He gets back on the very small bed and we start making out again because he thinks he can go for round 2. He stops kissing me and says "yeah this never happens, I can't get hard again." I say that's normal, you literally just came 3 minute ago. He insists it's unusual. Sure. I play around with his dick, get on top of him, grind on him, nothing. I ask half jokingly, "ha, is it me?" He says "it might be, I don't know it could be a lot." Well..thanks. He asks if I came, I say no but don't feel bad because my bottom half still works so we can keep going.
I ask him to eat me out and he does, and it was actually pretty good, like the best oral I've experienced. Still don't come, but close. He seems to think I did so he stops and we get dressed. He brags about how his "head game is pretty fucking great."
Then he says the zinger: "I don't know. Like, have you done this before? Like had sex with many people? It doesn't seem like you know what you're doing."
EXCUSE ME? I'm...offended. And hurt. You came within 5 seconds of being in me and I'M bad at sex? You jackhammered my pussy and sandpaper rubbed my clit with unclipped nails, and I'M bad? You didn't even thrust when we started PIV and I'M bad??
Ya'll....hear me out. I get some people aren't sexually compatible. It happens. You can always tell me if you're not enjoying yourself or want to stop. But under no circumstance is it okay to fucking insult me when you won't tell me what you like. I asked him multiple times, "what do you like? what do you want me to do to you?" only to get "I don't know, anything." So I did what I could do. He walks me back to my car at 1 am, gives me a half assed hug, and says goodbye. No "text me that you got back home safely" or "be careful" considering I'm two hours away. Just nothing.
I just needed to vent, friends. Any words of encouragement or advice is welcome. I'm texting him later to tell him that what he did wasn't cool and if he doesn't want to hook up again that's fine, but never insult me again. I just got out of a sexually abusive relationship within the past year and opened myself up to him, which he knows about. And it just brought me back down to where I began.
EDIT; wow, thank all of you for your responses. I’m glad the worst 1.5 hours of my adult life was funny to y’all, my friends and I had a laugh about it. So many of your comments were refreshing to hear and I feel much more validated now than when I wrote this. I texted him this evening and told him what I thought and how he has no right to insult me like he did. I’ll update tomorrow because I’m emotionally and physically exhausted.
xoxo DJ Clitoris
submitted by nadehlaaay to sex [link] [comments]

He spoke to me every day without fail for 4 months. Now that his friends are back, he no longer wants to talk. Was I used? HOW DO I RECOVER FROM THIS?

So, there's this guy I met at a Halloween party last year. I got his socials, flirted a bit and didn't hear from him again. The only other time we have met in person was at a social event. Anyhow, as of late March, he had started to reply to my Snapchat stories. I didn't think anything of it and replied like anyone would. Eventually he'd do it more and more frequently and I began to take interest in him a little bit. He didn't message me for a month or so after that and on the 4th of July he popped up again. We got talking and he began opening up to me. I was confused as to why he'd choose a random girl he doesn't know that well to open up to, but I said I'd be there for him. I also opened up a little about my struggles and he said he'd check up on me every day.
And he did! We spoke all day every day for three whole months and I began to fall for him. Hard. Thing is, at first he kept telling me “I’m not in the right place for a relationship right now... but if I was, I’d be interested in you”
Despite this, a month later we were calling each other pet names, texting from the early hours of the morning to the late hours of the evening, flirting all the time. We went on three dates: coffee; lunch; and I stayed the night at his place in the September. We ended up hooking up and it was very intimate. We were stepping into relationship territory, all we had to do was pop the question.
However, shortly after this night together, maybe 10 days after? He went from “good morning cutest xoxo” every morning, constant compliments and praise, to... no effort whatsoever. Would leave me on read for 12 hours at a time. He would always message first but I was the one carrying the conversation and he would always let it die. I assumed it was because his university course is very work-heavy.
Well, he told me we needed to talk. So I agree to meet up with him and we talk... about anything but relationships. He says he’d been doing nothing at all for the past week or two, which means he has been ignoring me by choice. I was too afraid to ask about what we were because of his previous “not in the right place” comment months before. It was an awkward talk and didn’t last very long. He hugged me but it didn’t feel the same. I plucked up the courage to tell him over text that I enjoyed his company and would like to see him again... He ignored it. As a last ditch attempt to get his attention, I wished him luck on his shift at Halloween. “Cheers!” That was it. The last time we spoke.
I was there for him while his mental health was suffering and he was alone over lockdown.. but it turns out his close female friend group from home moved to his town and he’s not alone anymore. He even went out for drinks with a “nurse friend” of his in late September. He’s happy again and I’m here feeling used and dejected.
I wish it didn’t bother me, but it has messed me up. I cried on and off for a whole month after we stopped talking. Heck, I still cry about it even now! I am head over heels for him still, I can’t stop pining after him!! I feel unwanted and cheated. He gave me false hope.
Worst part is, even when I was talking to him I never felt good enough, he was once the sweetest boy on the planet and I was riddled with insecurities that I kept a secret. I don’t even think he knows he’s shattered my heart and my trust.
I just don’t know how I can move on from this. The whiplash of constant texting and feeling loved to nothing at all has left me at a loss. I wasn't interested in him until he made me slowly fall for him. It's just cruel to go out of your way to MAKE someone like you and then play them around.
It’s been almost two months and I’m still a wreck. How am I ever going to move on??!
submitted by throwawaygirl6216 to dating [link] [comments]

29 [F4M] USA/CST - Are you ready for this wild ride?

…No but really, this post is long af, but I hope you buckle up and enjoy this musical ride! All links are definitely SFW.
I am looking for someone to keep me company. The idea is to have someone to cut up with throughout the day, send silly pictures and memes, see where things lead and basically be obsessed with each other so much that it would make people gag. (Not like gagging is ever a bad thing...) I miss having someone who reciprocates the same kind of energy and share mutual, obsessive feelings for each other and be that everything. Like when my phone lights up, all I want to see is your name and get rushed with butterflies all over again. I just want to be neurotic like Luke Bryan.
About me:
What I'm looking for:
I’ll send a picture in return if you send yours first. I think we can all agree that physical attraction is important, but it is not the MOST important. I would actually very much to prefer to voice chat, because there is just something about feeling someone’s smile over the phone. If you think you’re the one, send me a PM, because I don't wanna try nomore. Are you ready to take my hand on this ride because I’m waiting for you to (take my breath away. xoxo. :)
PS - Definitely not afraid to tell people we met on Reddit. LOL
submitted by whodatcece to r4r [link] [comments]

To those who gave their ex everything...

I remember 2 weeks ago I woke up at 5:30 AM to make him breakfast, coffee, and his lunch for work. He left at 6:30 and I went back to bed until I had to get ready for work. As he left, he said he loved me and headed out the door.
I didn't hear from him all day. He had meetings after work every Monday, so we didn't talk much anyways. I folded his laundry in my room while I caught up on my Netflix shows, and heard nothing from him until the next morning. I asked how he was dong and I got the usual answer: "stressed, tired, busy. But I'm ok."
I didn't hear from him much that week. When he was stressed about work, it took a toll on our relationship. He was desperate to provide and work was getting slow, and a lot of times he wouldn't get paid as much as he was expecting. I tried being supportive, I'd pop by his house with cookies or give him a back massage, I'd tell him everything will be okay and that one day he would make it big in the world.
By Thursday he was getting ready to go to Colorado to visit a friend. He hadn't talked to me and I contemplated if I should take him the the airport. I decided to text him, I sent a few sweet paragraphs about how I don't like being shut out, that I'm here for him, and that I would take him to the airport when I was off work. He responded and apologized for not being there for me, said he had a lot going on and that he felt bad for neglecting us. That night, I took him to the airport expecting a good conversation before he left. I wrote him a long letter to read on the plane, telling him how much I love him and how much I'll miss him. I even included bible verses that I thought would encourage him.
When he landed, he texted me and said he'd call before he went to bed...but I never got that call. I heard from him a few times all weekend, and eventually I texted him saying that I felt like I wasn't getting the communication I deserved. I felt like I was giving so much and receiving very little in return. I told him to find another ride home from the airport, he said he understood and would come by after he landed.
When he came over, he had all my stuff. He said that for a few months he's been thinking about breaking it off. He said he couldn't give me what I deserved, that "sorry wasn't enough," then added that he's going into the National Guard in February, something he had been talking about for a few weeks at that point. We exchanged Christmas gifts and had an emotional last few minutes. I told him that he's a wonderful person, that he'd go far, and not to settle for anything less. He hugged me tight one last time, and that was the last time I saw him...8 days ago.
My roommate told me yesterday that she saw his dating app profiles, and I feel like we broke up all over again. I gave that boy everything, he broke up with me, and now I'm the one who can't even look at other guys, let alone create a profile. I think a lot about if I did TOO much, if I was pushing for a relationship that wasn't real...but then I think back and realize that when you're with someone, you're supposed to give 100 percent, and for the first year he did. He didn't change until 2-3 months ago. He took a turn and I started not to recognize him, but didn't address it because he reassured me that I'm the one he wants to be with.
So much for that. Anyone who relates please feel free to message me. XOXO
submitted by kale_coffeebean to BreakUps [link] [comments]

Housewives History Post: 2009-2011 That Goddamned Blog!

After the RHOC S4 reunion in 2009, Gretchen posted a deranged blog about Tamra. It was first posted to the Bravo site with the cast blogs but removed due to the content and accusations. Gretchen then reposted it on her personal blog in 2010. It was referenced on the show again in S6 in 2011 when Tamra attempted to make up with Gretchen during the Florida trip by asking her to, "take down that goddamned blog!" Gretchen never did which is great news for us as we can time travel back to this messy moment in Housewives History because of that.
This is the blog I wrote after the airing of the reunion show last year (season four). Both Tamra and my blog were removed from the bravo website due to unknown reasons, and therefore I found it important to make sure the truth was still heard. This is the only reason I still have this blog up. Tamra has tried to taint who I am as a person and Jeff’s and my relationship for way to long. It was about time I addressed all her lies, and set the record straight since TV only shows you want they want you to see.
I had already written my blog yesterday regarding this “lost episode” and didn’t get to send it in because I was at Slade’s son’s graduation. On my way home I received tons of calls and e-mails regarding Tamra’s blog on Bravotv.com and the “excuses” she used for her inappropriate actions on the reunion show. So of course, I read what she wrote and now feel forced to address the lies she continues to spin to the press and the public. Sorry in advance for this being long winded, but I have been QUIET for way too long, and it’s about time the truth be told as Tamra so eloquently pointed out.
First of all let me state this very clearly, Tamra changes her story according to how it best suites her in that moment. I have honestly never met anyone so contradictory in my life (or someone that just plan lies to your face) Let’s address some of Tamra’s “stories” as I like to call them.
Story #1: She states that I asked her and Simon to have a threesome the night of her infamous dinner party in the very late hours of that dinner, but contradictory to that claim, she sent me several texts after seeing that footage in season four, and stating that she was appalled at what she said about getting me “naked wasted” and that she was so drunk she had no idea she said those things at all. So if that was the case, then how convenient for her now to all of a sudden have a clear mind that night and remember that she supposedly heard me say I wanted to have a threesome? Maybe that’s a fantasy of hers, but it surly is not mine. I would never say something like that, as a matter of fact Tamra is the one who spends her time on national TV season four talking about having crazy sex, shopping at sex shops, and having to keep things better then the same old peanut butter and jelly sandwich. How miraculous that she all of a sudden pops out of her drunken state and could remember what was said, and to boot at the late part of the night (aren’t you normally drunker later?) In her own blog about that dinner party she states that Simon stayed up with me making some food while she was hugging a toilet. So when did I say this exactly again? If you ask me she wasn’t getting any response from me during the reunion show about her accusations so she needed to reach for the stars on something else hoping it might stick. (I.e. I picked up on Don, Ryan, and then the threesome comment) I mean seriously what is it? Pick one already. This is when you see me drop my mouth in amazement and say “you seriously have some balls”. Tamra was reaching even for her.
Story #2: About “J and I” involving Tamra in a love triangle. First, let me be clear! There was NO love triangle to involve Tamra in, second J, NOT me involved Tamra in this. I said it on the reunion show and I say it again now, “I cannot control what someone else does”. J was someone that I thought was a friend and it turned out he wanted something much more with me, when he couldn’t have that it caused him to do things that were not right. J calling Tamra in the middle of the night was because he was drunk and angry. He wanted to hurt me and therefore he tried to create conflict by calling Tamra and claiming he was my boyfriend. Tamra took the bait, hook line and sinker and he got exactly what he wanted. The next morning when I called to talk to Tamra about it, I apologized to her that he had called and said I was not sure how he had her number, but maybe he had gotten into my computer or my phone. At the time J was someone I considered to be a very dear friend, and he was someone that I believed had my best interest at heart. He would come to the house offering to take out the trash, or change light bulbs, or help around the house since Jeff was no longer able to do those things. He made me laugh during a very tough time in my life, and he and many of our mutual friends would go out and try to get my mind off the crap I was dealing with in the hospital, so yes it would make sense that people would see us out around town. Unfortunately, unbeknown to me he was going through my things, I believe stole pictures from my home and computer, and had access to personal information during those times because of access to my home. Now I understand and know he was planning on hurting me with those things at some point if he couldn’t have what he wanted. I later was told that he was out bragging around town he would figure out a way to make money off me.
As I said I called Tamra after J’s phone call that night to her and apologized to her, and said that he was acting “stalkerish”, because his irrational and strange actions were causing me to feel that way. I didn’t speak to him for weeks until he sent me a “I’m sorry” e-mail. He stated he was drunk and was wrong for doing what he did . I even forwarded J’s e-mail to Tamra. She said she understood and was sorry I was dealing with that because she has dealt with some of the same issues with guys from her past before, and I believed we had put it behind us. Obviously that was not the case.
And just for the record Tamra had already been on camera several times tallking crap about me long before this “phone call” to her was made (it was made half way through the season). So for her to blame her actions towards me all season on this guy calling, I believe was just a cop out. And as Lynne so brilliantly said during the lost footage episode to Tamra “So what’s your reason for being so mean to me”; proves my point even more.
Story # 3: I had no idea J continued to call her until much later, and once again him continuing to call her is not anything I was controlling. Tamra said on the “lost episode” that he kept calling every night at late hours, so if that doesn’t prove my point of him acting “stalkerish” with his behavior I don’t know what would, but again I didn’t know that he was continuing to call her until much later. J acted one way with me, but was obviously up to something else behind the scenes. I have never seen Tamra out on the town, so for her to say she saw him and I “very cozy” while out on the town is a flat out lie! I had no idea that J was talking to Simon behind my back and feeding him lies about our supposed relationship till much later. I also still don’t understand why Tamra wouldn’t have just told him to stop calling and that she has nothing to say to him. A guy will not keep calling if you shut all those doors, but obviously there is a part of that story that is missing. She says I dragged her into this but from my point of view she is the one that continued to allow herself to be involved. If that was me I would have told the guy to go pound sand, never to call again and if he continued I would get my husband on the phone and tell him we do not want to be involved and if you don’t stop harassing us we will get a restraining order! I now believe it was part of a bigger plan.
I would like to address her comments in regards to Bass Lake as well and J being up there for the day. J decided to drive up to Bass Lake for one day because he said he was sick of partying in Havasu for the holiday. I told him I would be there with my family and that he was welcome to come up to Bass Lake and hang out for the day because it was very chill. My family knew who he was, as did Jeff, and my parents would have never allowed J to be there if they believed for one second I was having an affair with him on Jeff! That’s just absurd! As I mentioned on the reunion show, Jeff had meet J, and he knew J was up in Bass Lake with us for the day because I talked to him several times throughout the day. The film crew was there that weekend as well, shooting for the show, so why in heaven’s sake would I allow this guy to be on camera if I was having an affair? Isn’t that just plain stupid? For Tamra to act like she was “calling me out” on something during the reunion show about him being in Bass Lake is hilarious because she didn’t even know any of the details. She simply was looking for an excuse to not like me and act the way she did towards me. I have realized some people don’t have the most innocent of intentions and that has been a rough lesson to learn lately.
Story #4: Tamra would just love it if she could convince everyone that I was using Jeff this “poor sick man to get on T.V.” Tamra even said to me at one of our first lunch meetings that Simon seemed to think that Jeff being ill was a big advantage for me because then everyone would feel sorry for me and like me. I found that to be a very strange statement. She knew her claims about J would help excuse her behavior as a person and possibly make people doubt me or not like me. Are you kidding me, how sick can they be? How can someone possibly say something so awful about a couple dealing with a deadly disease? And for the record again, I was approached to do the show, I didn’t audition like Tamra did through the internet by sending in a resume and picture to do the show. I had no intention of doing the show and certainly didn’t go looking for it. It was an opportunity that was brought to me, I originally was very hesitant to do the show but Jeff, who always liked an adventure, was actually the one that convinced me to do the show. So for her to say that I was using this poor man to get on a T.V. show is just ludicrous. Since Tamra never meet Jeff she could have never known any of the details about our relationship and the reasons we agreed to do the show. For her to just make assumptions based off a strange man’s phone calls to her in the middle of the night makes no sense at all. She herself said J was “trouble” and “wouldn’t stop calling”. Once again completely contradictory!
Story #5 Tamra states in her blog that “she was prepared to talk about J at the reunion show” yet in the weeks prior to the show she sends me texts saying she has no intention of talking about J because she didn’t want the drama and that is exactly what the audience and the Network wanted”. Then we attend the Virgin American event (in April 2009) and she tells me (with Lynne as my witness) she was forced to talk about J at the reuninon. Why? I’ll address that in a minute, but the point is, her story changes again. Then in her blog she states that J texted Simon just to stir things up on the day of the reunion, so if that was the case then why was she so surprised that I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about? Obviously I had no idea J was trying to stir things up because I believed J and I were friends and that he had my best interest at heart. I later realized that was not the case. Throughout the off season as Tamra and I talked she told me many times to be careful of J and that she believed he was trying to get his 15 minutes of fame. This is also when she told me about the continuous phone calls he made too them. So if she knew he was “trouble” and was only trying to get his 15 minutes of fame then why would J texting Simon affect her so much that she turned into such a mean bitch on set. I couldn’t quite understand it and that is why you see me asking her “why do you care so much about who is my friend or not, how does it effect you?” I just couldn’t understand the reasoning behind her ambush. Especially because I felt we had buried the hatchet on this issue many many times.
Well the very next morning I found out why she exploded like she did. It wasn’t about me at all, it was about the e-mail she received from her own husband, Simon, that day of the reunion show. I know she knows exactly what I am talking about here because I still have the e-mail saved and I responded to both Tamra and Simon to let them know I got CC’d on the e-mail. The most ironic part is that the e-mail came from her husband Simon because he was trying to save face with the cast and copied all of us on that e-mail, about Tamra lying to all of us about the reason he showed up in Vegas earlier in the season. Get this, the title of that e-mail addressed to Tamra from Simon was “Your B.S. and Lies” Ironic huh? Her own husband is addressing Tamra as a liar. Classic. I will get to that e-mail in a second but on another note I want to express that what really sucks about this whole thing is I really don’t think this is anyone’s business and I never brought this up because I just don’t like to be this way, but unfortunately when someone goes so out of their way to try to defame your character, at some point you have to call them on their own BS. I have let this go and go, tried to let it die, tried to not to add fuel to the fire, and take the punches and roll with them, but I am so done with this now! It’s so obvious that Tamra is out to hurt me and therefore I am forced to have to go here with all this because she continues to spin her lies to benefit herself and cover her own lies.
Simon writes this in the e-mail to his beloved wife and I quote; “So what did you say to Gretchen and Vicki at the pool? And maybe you should tell everyone the truth about Vegas and how you lied to me to get me to come up there. Or I will” The whole truth? I don’t need J’s text to prove what you told them lies about me the next day. Marriage is about being honest and loyal. Try it. I would have never done that to you. I don’t deserve it. Make it right.” End quote! Isn’t it funny how in every blog or piece of press Tamra claims she’s just “ Keeping it Real” or “The truth will set you free” Ha Ha Ha She tries so hard to convince the world she is always being truthful because every other word out of her mouth is a bullhonkey two faced lie.
As I put the pieces together in my mind I realized that the time of the e-mail sent by Simon was exactly when we were coming back from our lunch break during the reunion show, and wha-la,! I all of a sudden realized why Tamra flew off the handle with me that day. J texted something to Simon that made Simon realize that Tamra lied to all of us about why he came up to Vegas. By Simon sending Tamra that e-mail above, it sent a backlash of emotions that came pouring over onto me about how I am such a liavictim, all the while her own husband is saying “marriage is about being honest and loyal, try it” Tamra was so mad she got busted because of some text from J to Simon. No mind you, I had no clue any of this had transpired. J and I had corresponded by text that day in regards to how the day was going; he never told me he had sent a text over to Simon that day. Now unfortunately as I put the pieces together I believe that was all a part of his plan, and to get his name on T.V.
I think the only thing Tamra and I agree on to this day is that J was looking to have his 15 minutes of fame no matter what avenue he took.
I have to say though, funny how she was calling me a liar on National Television, all the while her own husband was calling her a liar in an e-mail to her. This is part of the reason you see me say “am I being set up” on the lost footage episode. It really came out of nowhere her attacking me. Let’s see her now try to explain her way out of that one. I’m sure it will be someone else’s fault, or she will say I made this up, but the good news is that Simon CC’d everyone involved in this situation so all the cast and crew know exactly what I am talking about. Even Jeana admits to this particular e-mail beginning of season five.
Story #6 Tamra having to show up in court! What a flipping joke this one is. For the record I didn’t just NOT show up for my own court case. I DROPPED the case the day before it was even heard in court. That was from advice of my attorney, as J told his own attorney he didn’t care if I got a restraining order against him, which lead me to believe all he wanted was a media circus and I was not about to allow my serious concerns to be made a mockery out of in the press. When I heard he was involving Tamra in the case I immediately texted her. The reason for the text was because I had just seen her two weeks prior at the Virgin America event. I once again believed her when she said she wanted to call a truce and she would no longer talk about me. She claimed she just wanted all this to be over.
In good faith I agreed, and was looking forward to being past all this, but once again her story changes. Tamra and I exchanged texts messages the day before court and she stated that she wasn’t happy and was very stressed about having to go into court. I understood and felt bad she had been drug into my situation by J once again and told her I was going to drop the case per my attorney’s advice. J had already violated the Temporary Restraining Order once and it became obvious a piece of paper was not going to protect me from what he was consistently doing. I not only texted her the night before, but then again the morning confirming that the case had been withdrawn. Tamra knew the case had been taken off calendar because J’s attorney called all the people that were going to be in court that day the night before to let them know. But low and behold guess who still shows up to court……Tamra. Then surprise surprise she talks to press and spins her lies again, claiming she found it very strange that I didn’t show up for this case, when she knew damn well the day before I was dropping the case and the reasons for it because I texted her, and she responded! Then Tamra goes on to say that it “shows my real character”, and all she wants to do is “tell the truth”. So where was the truth in any of that? She flat out lied again, says one thing to me and another to the press. The funniest part is she actually made me believe that she was concerned for me for a minute in our exchange of texts. I fell for her two-faced B.S. again.
Then she says to press, “That J was very apologetic” as if she is now buddies with the guy that she was trying to convince me was “trouble”. If you ask me this whole thing sounds strange. Maybe my initial intuition on the “lost episode” of questioning if I was being set up, wasn’t that far off after all. Who knows really, but then I have a flash back of the footage where Tamra is saying she was going to get me “naked wasted” at her dinner party “and she was going to make me do something stupid”. Makes a girl think.
J is not someone I choose to be around anymore or have in my life especially after the very sick and shallow things he has done to taint Jeff’s and my relationship. He is not someone I care to talk about, but unfortunately I have been forced to discuss because of the “lost episode”, Tamra’s lies, and his consistent attempt of putting his name in the media and stating lies about me. I made a poor choice to be-friend someone that obviously took advantage of my friendship by stealing from me, borrowing money he never paid back ($18,000 dollars to be exact), and using my name to bring his into the limelight. I am not sorry I had that friendship because I have learned a lot from it, but I am sorry that he had to ruin it by doing what he has done to me and the memories of Jeff.
On a personal note, as far as all the other footage on this “lost episode” it was so nice to see some of the happy moments that Jeff and I shared together and with the kids again. The footage was hard for me to see and so I am sure the kids will have a hard time seeing that footage as they no longer go to Dad’s house to have those bar-be-ques. Jeff always loved to hear the sound of all us together, it made him happy even in his darkest of days. Just laughing and giggling, and poking fun at each other. That really was a very fun day. We had no joke about 50 kids over to the house and we played all afternoon. Jeff was the “cool” dad and the kids loved to hang out at his house. I obviously got along well with all the kids and enjoyed my time with them every time we got to see them. I miss all our time together it has been a while since we all got together and had a good laugh. I talk to all of them still very often. They are all very good kids and had the great influence of their Dad to turn into great kids with a lot to offer this world. I am very proud of them and the battle they have endured over losing their Dad at such a young age. I am in a much better place now, no longer vulnerable to predators and people that want to take advantage of me. I have good people around me and I will get through this period with my head held high. As far as Tamra goes, it’s sad that she just can’t “own” what she continues to lie about, and just stop talking trash on me. I have never been able to figure out why she cares so much about my life and what I choose to do. She is no longer someone I care to be friends with and I have given that woman numerous opportunities to make amends and be sincere about it, but I guess a leopard never changes it’s spots. Thanks to all my loyal fans and friends during this difficult period. As Tamra said, the truth will set you free. Gosh I feel much better now, thanks for the advice Tamra.
Xoxo Gretchen Christine
submitted by DanaPam to RHDiscussion [link] [comments]

Should I reach out to him?

Long story made short: I was talking to this guy for about 3 months and it was PERFECT ( that’s literally the only way to describe it ) not a single red flag, we would spend HOURS together, always texting.. yada yada yada.... at first he explained that he didn’t want a relationship /after I told him I developed feelings/ which was cool! I just told him to not lead me on and everything would be great! However, around the 3 month mark of us hanging out, he kissed me. HE initiated everything, so things moved forward and we ended up sleeping together. But when I asked him afterwards where he stood with our relationship he did a complete 180° on me. I really do wish I never slept with him and that the relationship didn’t need sex. But basically I just feel like I’ve been missing this hole in my life recently and my mind keeps going back to him, Also it’s been like 5 months since this has happened. So I feel like we both have had time to think it over and I just really want to reach out to him. HOWEVER if anyone thinks I should just back down and move on PLEASE lmk Bc I’m just stuck at a crossroad right now and could use a lil guidance🥺 Should I go back? Or should I remain the same?
Plz and thank you xoxo
submitted by katgw1 to Advice [link] [comments]

29 [F4M] USA/CST - Are you ready for this wild ride?

…No but really, this post is long af, but I hope you buckle up and enjoy this musical ride! All links are definitely SFW.
I am looking for someone to keep me company. The idea is to have someone to cut up with throughout the day, send silly pictures and memes, see where things lead and basically be obsessed with each other so much that it would make people gag. (Not like gagging is ever a bad thing...) I miss having someone who reciprocates the same kind of energy and share mutual, obsessive feelings for each other and be that everything. Like when my phone lights up, all I want to see is your name and get rushed with butterflies all over again. I just want to be neurotic like Luke Bryan.
About me:
What I'm looking for:
I’ll send a picture in return if you send yours first. I think we can all agree that physical attraction is important, but it is not the MOST important. I would actually very much to prefer to voice chat, because there is just something about feeling someone’s smile over the phone. If you think you’re the one, send me a PM, because I don't wanna try nomore. Are you ready to take my hand on this ride because I’m waiting for you to (take my breath away. xoxo. :)
PS - Definitely not afraid to tell people we met on Reddit. LOL
submitted by whodatcece to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]

GIRLS PLEASE HELP A GAY GUY OUT

hey everyone, i'm a 20 year old gay guy living in France and really into older men (+35 years). i've been on the gay dating apps and there's this guy that caught my attention and idk how to play it. I'll tell you exactly what happened.
Since i'm not out, i have no pics on my profile ( very common on that app) so i sent "hi" and 4 photos on the first message, he left me on read and i called him out sarcastically, he then ansewerd and we chatted briefly. haven't heard from him in 2 weeks and i texted "hi, how are you holding up with work" ( i know i shouldn't have but HE IS A SMOKESHOW I COULDNT HELP IT) he answered and then again a brief chat and basta. that was 4 days ago and now i deleted the app cause it's driving me nuts.
he's rarely online but he never asked for my number, he never said he wanted to meet, never chased me. he just answered my texts. and i have been chased before so i know how it feels when someone really wants you. my question is, is there any way to get him ? the last thing i wanna do is cut him off and move on cause i live in small town and trust me, guys here aren't my type, it's really hard to find someone i like. PLEASE HELP, Thank you xoxo.
submitted by Fancy_beat_ to Shalligators [link] [comments]

My situation with no contact

Well, I am kinda of in a lost place.
My ex decided that 3 days before christmas was the time to end things. Over text and while she was in another province(hence we both live in the country of canada), not really texting me and basically just ignoring me. Made such a mistake getting emotionally sensitive and being mad all the time when we rarely talked. I agreed to be friends with her which was at first a good decision but then after a week, I think i decided to not be friends anymore(around dec 31).
I wanted to get back together with her, etc etc. I watched YouTube videos on how to get her back( they were all the wrong ones lol). I eventually came across this video last night and I finally realized that it works with couples that wanted to get over each other. I did not, and I spent 30 days being anxious as hell.
Well I eventually talked to her again and she was bitterly cold to me, and ended up being mad again over something small, which proved to her that I have not changed. She seemed to move on so easily, perhaps is just a façade, or maybe she has, in which im glad she found a way to get over me . I don't despise her actions, and I'm willing to forgive her but I learned from her friends that she was making me seem like the shittiest(excuse my language) person on the planet, both to our mutual friends and her family. I guess i talked to her in a very needy way and that it wasn't the right way to come about reconnecting with her.
I learned about her true colours and how she could tear an image of someone down. Which i have forgiven and am still trying to forget. All of that resulted in our mutual friends, mainly siding with her and some of the guys that I thought were bros, are probably talking to her in a manner I do not want to think about.
I have made progress in the way of moving on. I did get blocked by her and her bestfriend( which happens to be my brothers ex) and many other friends that we did have mutually, which I am confidently forgiving, on all social media, except for this one post of me on facebook on my birthday, with "Happy birthday, I love you tons, xoxo." If any of you want to let me know some insight, don't be afraid to share your thoughts. I let one of her friends know that if she wants to become friends, or perhaps more, I have the door open, but that does not mean that I am going to sit around and wait, like i said i have made progress in bettering myself for my next relationship. I don't plan and finding myself in another relationship for, let's say, a good while.
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Just whatever you are going through, make sure you keep your mind off of your ex. They made the decision that you were not enough for them, but you will always be enough for yourself. The best relationship is with yourself. You are going to be just fine.
submitted by yungdumandbroke to ExNoContact [link] [comments]

Coco’s LDR tips & tricks for forever happiness!

Every relationship is different and has its own healthy tidbits of advice, these are just what works for me in mine! Thought I would share, please comment yours so we can have a great flow of ideas
A few different things ‘we’/I do to keep a healthy LDR:
  1. Always text good morning & goodnight, no matter what, it takes little effort, but goes a long way to better the start of your day and end a potentially long one.
  2. Any little “belly” feeling we bring up instantly, if your partner says something and your belly gets that weird feeling where you don’t feel good...bring it up! You feel for a reason and give your partner the benefit of doubt to reassure you before jumping to emotional conclusions.
  3. Keeping each other your best friend, your significant other should be the person you can cry to, confide in and rejoice with. If you are finding yourself wanting to keep secrets, hide your feelings or not share the good things-review the reasons why you feel this way (I once did myself).
  4. Understand the difference between chemistry and compatibility. Chemistry is the physical instant and non-physical things that attract you to your partner. Compatibility is when your hearts and heads are on the same page, your future desires and values are corresponding. (I say this because, I’ve dated guys that I had strong chemistry with, so I assumed we had compatibility too. Sometimes we feel such intense chemistry that we think we are compatible too.)
  5. “Lust isn’t love”, every moment isn’t going to be exciting, sexy, intense and passionate. But if you love each other, every moment will be loving, caring, listened to and well received. (I have mostly always been in lust first relationships, so when I met my LDR and he respected me and cared for me, I was honestly quite unsure of how I felt. Lust first relationship are the ones that maybe have high highs and low lows, it feels really good and then really bad, a roller coaster of emotions. This kind of relationship was something I normalized in the past until I found my boyfriend (our relationship is like a nice bike ride—less like a roller coaster).
  6. Figure out each other’s love languages, something so important to do (Google it and take the test)! This will help you understand how he/she needs to be given love and nudge them on how you need to be loved.
  7. If something doesn’t feel right, maybe in your talking habits or in responses-don’t automatically think it’s about you, before you jump to a conclusion, ask your partner “how are you?”...I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt like my boyfriend was a little off that day, maybe he didn’t text me good morning (like he usually does) or something different...and I pulled myself together and I think, “how is he, maybe he’s had a bad day at work, having issues with a friend or a family member, maybe he is sad about the distance too.” Ask, ask, ask, it’s usually not about us, this could lead to having a conversation about the root of a problem, rather than pointing a finger at yourself without asking.
  8. Do you fall in love with them more and more everyday? I know I fall in love with my boyfriend more everyday, because everyday I learn something new about him. We are constantly growing our internal dictionaries about each other. Try this: I started making up these games. I ask him 6 questions (If you were to keep one item from your childhood, what would it be? Would you rather live in a RV or on a sailboat? Who are your best 3 friends and why?) ANYTHING...then we both answer the questions for ourselves and we both answer the questions for each other and send out answers at a certain time. Doing this has helped me understand what he thinks I want, while it shows him what I actually want/like. Then from here, we will have a deeper discussion about how wrong we were or maybe how surprisingly right we were!
  9. DREAM, dream with your partner for a better future, creative ideas about a house you two want one day, and fun things you will do next time you see each other. Stay positive, stay futuristic and put your wants and hope into fruition.
  10. Love Letters- I write my boyfriend letters/make him doodles, maybe once a week or more. I understand this isn’t possible for every couple. I often don’t sent the letters in that moment. I will date/time stamp and write everything I am feeling, maybe the things I’m not ready to share or maybe something I’m excited about and want to wait for him to see in my handwriting. My boyfriend loves this, when I come to visit him, I actually notice he keeps them on his night stand because he likes something tangible to hold and read, it makes him feel closer to me along with the idea that I took time to write something he could have have forever. (This is the way he likes to receive love, and I like to show it — we found this out by “learning our love languages”— while I’ve been writing this, I actually just got a text from him saying, “These letters mean everything” haha!)
  11. Don’t hold back, life is too short, we are not given tomorrow, heck we aren’t give the next 30 seconds. Say how you feel, feel how you feel and when you think of your special person tell them! Give that extra little “Hey, I like you”, maybe it’s not for them, maybe it’s for you. You should wake up and go to sleep knowing you are doing your best to show someone the sweetness in your heart—-relationships are work, you want results? you want forever? Then you have to constantly work and tune your way of speaking and recognize each other’s efforts.
Hope one of my little tips helps a LDR today! Xoxo - Coco
submitted by C0C01821 to LongDistance [link] [comments]

EA freaks out when i go to hang out with my guy friends and later destroys my relationship.

Hey guys so i've mentioned My aunt Pat before. You know that crazy bitch who broke into my house twice and almost stole half my stuff. She was at my dads to pick up some stuff he didn't want anymore (ex. My old burro, My Sisters desk, My brothers bookshelf) and ended up staying a lot longer than she was invited. So I was only over to help my dad carry stuff out ( for an 18 year old girl I'm extremely strong, he's the one that has me hold up an extremely heavy slab of plywood above my head while I just stand on a bucket so he can build the ceiling). I'm a tomboy and I like to ride dirt bikes and get muddy. So I told my dad that I'll call him tonight and I'm going out with a couple of my guy friends. This is the following convo
Me: Hey dad im going out with some guy friends we'll be at Vincents if you need us ( Name of a restaurant)and ill call you tonight
D: Ok Hunny have fun!
Em: oh that's inappropriate! Don't you have a boyfriend?
Me: Yeah I do. They are just my friends. Can I have some fun without you trying to break into my house and stop me from seeing my friends?
EA: No!No!No!No! No! you are not going! You are a girl you should hang out with girls!!!
D: Pat it's not your authority to tell my daughter what she can and can't do!
Me: Yeah im going now just because you said not to,see you bitch! try not to break into my house while i'm gone.
I get into my truck and leave
As I get there I give everyone a hug and we sit down and we complain to each other about work,school,our parents, our teachers and all the stuff teens gossip about.
Meanwhile i left at 4 and it's now 8 so we all finally decide to get some food so we go to Vincents like i say. Btw in no way am i cheating on my boyfriend i'm REALLY close with my guy friends only because we've known each other before we were even born. ( Our moms were the classic fun yoga moms who met at a class and were friends ever since. Ryan was the first one born,Lee was born a week after that, CJ a month and a half later, and I was 2 months and 15 days later, so I was the baby. And they treated me like it, it was fun sometimes like how they constantly call me baby sis and stuff). So Ryan and Lee went to the bathroom leaving me with CJ. We go outside near the truck to grab my wallet and some fresh air. Were having an interesting conversation when my boyfriend gets out og the car across from us with my aunt. I grin widely and wave him over. He comes over and when I try to kiss him he pushes me away. My aunt is wearing a triumphant smirk and he's looking furious. Let 's meet the cast.
Me: a fucking unicorn
C: Cody (My boyfriend)
R:Ryan
L: Lee
CJ: CJ
EA: entitled aunt
C: How could you do this? What happened to being loyal huh?
Me: Cody what are you talking about! I'm just out with my friends!
EA: Dressed like that? You look like a slut!
I was wearing a short dress i'll admit to that but it was the only dress i owned and i always wanted to look nice when i went out to eat.
Me: Bitch shut the fuck up! you have no right getting involved in my relationships and you got into mums and that's why she started drinking!Now she's dead because of you and if you think i'm going to put up with your shit you are very mistaken!
Me: Cody it's not what it looks like i promise you Ryan and Lee are in the bathroom.
C: Stop lying! Pat says she saw you kiss CJ when she dropped you off at his house earlier!
Me: Where's your proof?'
EA: I don't need proof!
Me; Cody are you seriously going to believe this person who tried to steal 400 dollars that we were saving for our future? She lied to everyone! Have I ever told you a lie!
C: Yes! You said yesterday you were going to your grandmas but i saw you at your house with CJ
Me: I WAS THROWING MY MOTHERS FUNERAL PARTY! I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL YOU BECAUSE I WAS UPSET ENOUGH AND FOR ME TO SAY IT OUT LOUD MEANT THAT SHE REALLY WAS DEAD!
I was sobbing at this point ( By the way a funeral party in my family is basically a party where you remember the person who died and you lay out their favorite things and you pray and stuff. it's really cool. its basically a mini version of the day of the dead)
Me: YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE TO SEE YOUR MOTHER IN A COFFIN!
Cody: Oh don't you dare make up some sob story about your mother!
CJ: Cody go home, now
Me: I thought you would understand. My dad always said you were an asshole. but i never believed him.
C: We' re done
My aunt smirks at me and it infuriates me
Me: Hey Auntie?
EA: Yes?
Me: Throws the water that i had left in my water bottle on her
She starts screaming and threatens me I grab Cjs arm, Walk in to pay our bill, and walk out
I text Ryan and Lee that were in the car and to meet us there
They get into the car to see me sobbing hysterically with CJ Hugging me
R: Rose why are you crying?
CJ: Cody just broke up with her over some bullshit lie her aunt told him
L: I'll talk to him*Gets out of the car
Me: Grabs his arm No!No!No! you' ll only make it worse! Just sit down!
R: Yeah he's not worth the fight Lee
L:Ok but if he shows up anywhere near us imma go nuts
CJ Takes me home and i Immediately Hug both Quinn and Churro sobbing into their fur. They lick the tears off my face and Quinn put her paws on my shoulders to give me a hug. ( we trained her to do this) I cling to her and she makes these noises of excitement because i haven't seen her all day and she probs is excited to see me and she probs missed me. The boys stay at my place for a while and cheer me up as much as they can. Ryan calls my dad to tell him what happened and he' s furious. He goes to my aunts house and fucking verbally demolishes her. Then he comes to my house and he ends up staying the night. Sooo yeah it's now the morning and i've gotten over 20 texts from cody saying how sorry he is and blah blah blah. I tell him to come on thursday at 8:00 cause that's the time the trash gets taken out and that he' ll finally be with his own kind. I block him after that and i call Sophia and Chloe to come over. SO here I am laying with my head in Sophie's lap while we watch Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Best Hp film in my opinion. Anyways that's all for today, I hope y'all have a nice sunday and be safe!
-Rosey xoxo
submitted by juniorrescuer to entitledredditors [link] [comments]

test

Maybe I'm over thinking this. I've been dating this guy for like a week now. "Dating" in quotations because I honestly don't even know whether this is dating. He texts hearts, I don't know how to reply back because I'm just not that affectionate. This is the first time I've dated someone, and he's *extremely* excited because it's the first time anyone's said yes. I should feel happy but I just feel confused.
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Like I like him, I think. I wax and wane with wanting to cuddle with someone, but also being super asexual or aromantic, and then I find this girl or guy I think is super hot, and then suddenly I hate literally everyone. Like I just can't make up my mind. I do definitely want a relationship, and I've given it some thought in the past, but being in this relationship helped me realised I have *very* specific needs (or actually lack thereof) and I need someone who's probably a little more patient and understanding. Someone more mature. I'm not ready to date someone in high school. I don't try to be like "I'm not like the other kids" kind of person but I've always kinda felt more mature than a lot of my peers. Dating him has only exasperated this. This likely won't be long term. Whereas he's already starting to talk about apartments when I mentioned I'm ready to move out of my (not abusive but still shitty) dad's place ASAP... We've been dating for a week. We're 16. I like him (I think), but in truth I can't really tell why I said yes. Especially because I'm *definitely* not looking for sex, and especially not from him (no talks of sex has come up, just don't want anyone to assume I said yes only for sex).
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I've put some thought into it, and I know a few reasons why I'm getting mixed feelings. First of all I'm gay. Like, 80% gay. I tend to like girls more than guys, and if I do like guys I tend to like guys who are more feminine. He's not macho manly masculine but not feminine either. That's not the only reason why I feel confused with this guy but I think that explains why I'm able to be 100% certain when I like a girl but not so sure when I like a guy. I've also had issues with gender dysphoria and have publicly expressed so, and I don't want to date someone who see's me as a girl if later down the line, especially as soon as I'm out of my dad's house I start to transition in whatever way.
​
Secondly, I have history of abuse and assault. These are things that I'd like to share and explain with people so they can understand where I'm coming from, but I'm not really comfortable sharing with him for starters. Him being a guy also contributes to my feelings of confusion around guys compared to girls. And my history of abuse is also just why (in my opinion) I struggle with showing basic human affection. I don't know what's normal and what's not. And I don't mean abnormal as in bad, but abnormal as in most people probably won't understand. I really like being cuddled and held. I have gay male BFFs who I'll sometimes (PLATONICALLY) "cuddle" with. Or lay my head on their shoulder. Or things seen traditionally in relationships. And it's not meant to show affection. We're just friends and I feel comfortable enough to do that with them and vice versa. And I know it sounds weird and I'm sorry it does but that's just me and I've been abused to the point where things that are sexual I don't see as sexual because I never grew up with healthy examples of relationships.
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With that said, I don't know if what I want is just a really good friend or someone who's affectionate, especially when I'm not affectionate in the same ways. Like I feel attraction, I just don't always show it. I can't deal with the lovey dovey xoxo hearts and kisses. Grosses me out. I probably need a person who understands to some extent what I've been through and knows I have waxing and waning feelings. Same with (when I get out of high school) sexuality. Very rarely care about sex and I definitely shouldn't date someone who's looking for a very sexual relationship. And this guy I've started dating has mentioned on very multiple occasions he gets... very horny very often.
​
And you know I'd probably like someone who's cool with more of an "open" relationship and won't get overly offended if I do things like "cuddle" with friends because it's not something I really view as sexual or only meant for relationships.
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In truth if I do start *seriously* dating I'm looking for something fairly mature. None of the petty drama and heart emojis stuff I've observed from peers dating.
​
In other words... I need someone who understands me. And from now on I definitely know I need to preface all of these issues *before* getting into a relationship. I said I'd have some issues with affection, but I never got into the specifics and I regret that. I told him I don't want to make things too official yet just in case I freak out and regret things in like a week..... Which I definitely do.
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And honestly I don't know if I'm gonna get someone who understands me from a 16 year old kid who I frankly don't even know well as a friend. Yeah, I know I'm 16 too so I don't have much room to talk but as I've said I've felt more mature than my peers and was literally against dating until you were out of high school like 3 years ago. Recently to actually make friends I've been trying to loosen up and act slightly more immature even though that's really not who I am and that's probably why I said yes, because "everyone else is doing it" which obviously I know is dumb. But I know I also definitely said yes because I just didn't wanna hurt his feelings. I've had people, mostly males, lash out at me over rejections far less serious than a relationship rejection and so yeah... Kinda sucks some assholes ruined it for the people who've done nothing wrong.
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And so now I'm just trying to figure out how to explain to him that "it's not him, it's me" without sounding too cliché or making my text as long as this post because I know he's not going to read something this long.
submitted by helpfriendsthrowaway to u/helpfriendsthrowaway [link] [comments]

whats your take on this? from whats being said by either part to experiences

am i losing my mind?.. so that I can feel I'm not just feeding myself bullshit if someone else can see it. it's about me and my girlfriend. i'm male dating female (no age specified). ive read a lot but never posted, recently created a account just to post this. this is about relationship advice.. that's what i need. or maybe this is my therapy, thank you if you make it to the end i really tried shrink this. 6 years
I'm not rich, just smart with my money, we started off as acquaintances, met in school. I didn't really love her, just liked her, felt there was something and decided to ask her out (she on the other hand really liked me, been crushing on me for a whole year, even tried dating some other guys to get over me but failed, at least that's what she eventually told me). she is from a poor background.. didn't know this at first.. but what she used to do for her family back home with her little allowance is one of the things that eventually led me to love her.
​
fast forward in, I love her.. to death.. she couldn't afford winter clothes I took her shopping. she couldn't afford to eat because she sent some money back home... I paid for all her monthly expenses.. mind you we are students. and every now and there I would take her out. became a fortnight ritual(the standard student life couldn't afford to take anyone out unless you had extra money coming from somewhere else. the tuition was calculated to food, toiletry and transport, and just a few other school extras.)
now we were doing engineering. meaning our school time was really intense. and couldn't always be around. so much that I even just started retiring my day at her place, just so at least we see each other. when I started it was all new and I still had a lot of my energy, but with time the work overload became too much. she loved my attention, sometimes would complain that I am not giving enough.. we were open in our relo, from basic behaviour to phones to sex. everything was put on the table. she loved our sex, would want it round after round. and I enjoyed that.. the desire. I'm a pleaser just in case this isn't obvious. so I get my high from fulfilling her pleasure. so I found myself stuck between having to perform in school, spoiling on dates and spending time, and sex... I had to be a 110 %. and each time I would try and adjust something to perform better at another the scales just wouldn't allow. soon I felt exhausted all the time. my money habits started changing so I couldn't spend as much, my grades went down, and the nail in the coffin was when she said I had changed in the sheets.
​
I paused to reflect. and reduced spending because it was killing my savings. reduced the sex, because I needed energy and time to read my books, and hoped that we could still get along chatting and hanging in between, now I have a very high sex drive, but every human has their limits when stacked with certain odds. and I focused more on my school. I've never cheated and in fact, I'm kind those guys that act dumb when other girls flirt with them when they are in a relo. bad for social reputation but I felt she was worth it. in fact. I wanted to marry her. she knew this...
another issue that popped up is self-care also went down the tubes.. like before I was always looking sharp. but taking care of her needs especially when she feels she doesn't look attractive or sending money back home... I would spare my own money for toys and clothes etc, to spend on her stuff, so she eats, looks good and everything, this was the only alternative I had in order not to ruin my savings schedule. in my opinion, I would rather sacrifice my looks than my savings. yes, I was wiped. I really loved this girl. and I did it all because of that. in school before all this. I think I can vouch to say I could get any get I wanted.. in fact. even while I was dating her, I still could.. but like I said I'm those stupid loyal to the core guys. I guess I just felt I found the one.. and believe me I was picky when I chose to date eventually. her taking care of her family back home made e think she was real and understood the real world and compassion and all that. not to say she doesn't now.. just explaining why it had a real sway on me when I started really loving her. thought she understood the value of sacrifice
She started flirting with other guys. And yes she looked stunning. Every day I prized myself in how much I take care of her, she had nice clothes, ate well, even better than most school students(even I at well, wouldn't sacrifice my meals, need that for studying) not to take away from her natural beauty, she was always beautiful. just didn't have the "drip", in case anyone thinks I'm painting the wrong idea. I was all attractive but my "drip" was taking a left turn. now I'm never really the uptight boyfriend. in fact, I would argue to say that I normally don't press a girl about anything harmless. but I catch her flirting with guys on her phone. remember our phones were open access.. she read my messages and I read hers.. it was just normal and not out of the ordinary, we would laugh about the people hitting on us and make jokes(eg she said once said she doesn't understand why she has to look out for both girls and guys when dating me, I'm hetero but have gay guys in my DMs too) anyway it was normal to find that as long as your not encouraging it, and she was encouraging it.
​
one guy, we will call him Tim, was always in her DMs acting like the good guy when we have a disagreement. while also throwing in how he lays goods and girls can't have enough of him. she said they are just friends. and I just excused it because I figured he was going overboard on his own, but one time we went out and when she saw the guy she screamed his name and jamp into his arms. and I was fuming... but didn't break it up.. just watched from a distance. let her do her thing.
​
just so your keeping record: I spend over a year or so without buying new clothes and looking sharp, just focused on the basics but made sure she looked good because she enjoyed it as well as took care of our other stuff like dates and stuff.. but not to say she didn't pay for dates when she could. but I digress, she would complain about the sex, saying I don't fuck her the same way I used to. that she used to come all the time, now she hates the feeling when she doesn't sometimes. or if we fuck, and I can't go the next rounds like I used to.. she would complain saying she didn't get satisfied. she would complain that I don't take care of myself as much anymore. and it's making her hate herself, and even complain that girls opinions now about me have changed, when before every girl would kill to be in a relo with me. (I'd get girls calling me selfish for not wanting to sleep with them), I would give my reasons why things have changed, starting now I am prioritizing... I'm just one man I can't be superman, especially since I am young and haven't built myself enough, maybe in future I will be able.. but for now, I can't be that guy who gets all the best grades in school while being able to spend time with my girlfriend and fuck her brains out like I used to and still have all the "drip", money and have other girls hitting on me without making my girl jealous.
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sometimes I feel it was her turn on or something, the idea that other girls wanted me made her stay on her toes with me. but I didn't want her feeling that that's why I played dumb with them. I bought us a pair necklace for our anniversary, they link up to read something intimate, she broke up with me that same day. I honestly did not see it. in fact. in my head, these were just ups and downs and any relationship has them, but I was convinced that we could weather the storm. I went mad... and cut ties with her completely, never contacted her. completely lost it.
I started reading red pill stuff, I was just on edge. felt abandoned.. and I already had that problem from my relationship with my dad. which is a story for another time. my issues were I felt I was giving and sacrificing so much and she took it for granted. I felt so insulted. I remember even think "how dare she, me?!?! even after all I was doing." happened around our holiday, I became a really tough nut to crack. went travelling.. boat trips you name it, game reserve trips you name it, hotel living, fucking a new girl every two days, that Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and refused anything close to I love you from any girl after. but I was always upfront about.. that I did not want a relo, even when came back from my travels, I was still doing the same thing.
​
then one day I just felt worse. even more empty, so I stopped. the argument was one-day I'm going to look back at all this and it was for nothing. when I could have invested the energy in building my career or something more productive. and fulfilling. (but I established my regulars because I have a high libido, and they were not getting used or anything, it was their choice). tree months had passed, and my now ex calls me, I answer the phone, thinking maybe there is something urgent or serious. and I figured I need to work my way toward being indifferent so answering the call without losing it will help. and truth be told I was right. but not for the right reasons. it's more like I had just buried my pain than actually dealing with it. so I was indifferent but it just took something to push the feelings to the surface again. and another is I still loved her. she was the only girl I've ever loved. still is.. I've never gone that deep with anyone else. nd she was begging me to take her back, she was sorry, apologised and everything.. went on like this for 3 weeks. so I asked her why she broke up with me and she said she didn't know... it was just a feeling and it was stupid, believe me, I've tried to get a different answer from her but even till this day she says the same thing. I'm just concluding that it was our issue compounded over time and that some guy whispered sweet nothings into her ear and she took the bait.
either way, I took her back but saying we will start from the beginning, but this time she has to earn my trust, once broken twice shy. I thought it fair, then to just kick her to the curb coupled with the fact that I still loved her.. she asked me if I had been sexually active. and even the number of people and times, I was honest about it all. even said that I still had girls that were waiting on me.. they only stopped because I took her back and asked them to chill. and that if she doesn't act right, I have no problem just continuing with these girls. (picking up where we left off). and she cried. told me that she didn't sleep with anyone. even though she had opportunities she didn't because to her it felt like she was cheating on me, even though she broke up with me. this would go on to be the spark of some of our new arguments.. her trying to pin this on me. but I would always tell her, I was and still am one of the most loyal guys out there... if she never broke up with me I would have never slept around as I did.. but in her eyes, it didn't matter.. because at the end of the day the reality hurt her feelings.
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one of our most intense arguments when she tried to accuse me of not waiting on her or my sleeping around pushed me to tell her how fucked up I had become since our break up. that my abandonment issues are so high that I need therapy. and she knew about my dad so she could understand the full story. and I told her that its all her fault.. she wanted me to just trust her now. and no I still didn't bother her when she is talking to other guys or anything like that, I would just take note, and maybe think "okay I guess she wants us to be like this in the relo." but when I would do the same thing she would complain.. and I told her to leave. she refused but just cried there. and eventually, her crying got to me. and we kissed and made up. but she still had to earn the trust. mind you I never made it apparent that I didn't trust her, even among people, they wouldn't notice anything.. but because she knew me she could tell that I'm not quite the same.. but I thought that's fair... I can't force it and she must understand.
I still took care of her. because I personally can't see someone I love suffer and i was trying to give her that chance, be real about it. so I still took her out, fed her and all that.. but it was the distrust she didn't like. during sex, I did my best (i am a pleaser, that's my turn on) but was more reserved.. and needless to say there were guys. remember that guy time? well, he is about to make a dramatic entrance. but id just tells her that I like don't like how things look and feel. I can tell when a guy wants my girl and when he just wants to be friends. this should be obvious, just like I can tell when girls want me or just want friendship.
to avoid saying too much, for this part just know that something happened to the both of us that really shook our relo afterwards. so much that I even had to be strong for her and put my feelings aside. and she would start distancing herself from me. and I would complain about the distance saying we went through it together.. even my feelings were hurt so don't push me away. and another thing came in where we got separated.. so I would have to travel to come to see her. her friends hated me. (one funny moment was when one of her friends who is rude to me all the time, came to my girl's room to get food, while shit saying to me, and I was the one who bought the food she was now taking, but I didn't complain, wanted my girl to do that for me. stand her ground with her friends) for some reason the fact that when we broke up I fucked around she needed to vent to her friends so there are multiple possibilities as to why they hate me and coupled with the fact that she would feel my distrust and got tell her friends crying.. but anyway... I digress...
​
so I was away long-distance, it was soon to be my girls birthday, she wanted me there with her and I couldn't make it, work-related issues. but I bought her gifts and had them sent to her, even posted her all over my social media. she was complete all the way with my trust again but we were cool enough to post each other. she tells me she is going out with her girlfriend to celebrate, I tell her its cool, I hope she has fun. she leaves and I tell her goodnight because she won't find me awake.
​
in the morning we greet each other XOXO everything cool. and on that day I almost even sent her money but she didn't have her card because she was waiting on a new one so she wouldn't even be able to access the money. and other options were just tedious for me. so I postponed doing that. the day was just a regular convo day. the day after that. she sends me a text. says she has something to tell me and knows that it's a red limit for me. that if I find out I will break up with her. this was in the morning, right out of my sheets. I just felt dread come over me. but I told her to say whatever it is.. tried calling but she ignored and said she would prefer to text.
​
so I sit there waiting. text bubble pops up. she says that the morning after the night she went out, she woke up and found used condom raps on her floor. and she is so sorry, she didn't remember anything because she just thought it was a dream. when she asked the guy who dropped them off, who she thought was her friend (Tim) he said they had sex, and he wishes they could have cuddled. and was even asking her if they could just date.. on the text she says when she heard this she got very furious but panicked and told him not to tell anyone and to stay away from her. she ended the messages saying she understands if I never talk to her again or break up with her.. she knows she crossed a boundary.
​
these messages were coming is slowly, I guess texting with emotion does that. on my end, I was boiling inside. losing myself. I wanted to go after that guy.. even had my friends ready for a road trip. I was seeing red... and in my mind, I had already told her that that guy wasn't good(i could tell he wanted something sexual from her and I had mentioned it before but she said they friends and so I backed off), but I didn't say it to her face at that moment. but I was seeing so much red that I went offline just for 15 minutes because everything from the beginning was just too much, even the feelings I had pushed aside to put her's first surfaced. within that 15 minutes, I found 5 missed call and 7 voice note messages of her crying and apologising. and telling me that she just told her family and they are going to the police, so I pushed my emotions again to the side. and this time I was completely logical.. and said that's the right thing to do, I'm sorry for what happened to her and before I even said anything she said she doesn't want me going to prison so I should leave me (in my mind I was wondering if she was protecting him. redpill thoughts can make you paranoid as well or think of some nasty truths.)
​
so when we spoke again I asked her where her friend was in all this.. the one who was supposed to be with her.. usually girls look out for one another, that's why they go out together. and she shouted at me calling me names and everything you can imagine..( saying she has been in the hospital getting questioned and now she is getting it from me) but in my mind when some you care about gets hurt often you want to know where their company was and why didn't they prevent it. not to say they always can but rather if they were there.. how did they miss any signs. and she was pissed at me.. didn't even want to talk to me. and said that she didn't want to press charges because she doesn't want to ruin the guys future or get interrogated. so she was dropping the case.
had to visit my mother and she could tell immediately that I was off. I hadn't eaten for three days. lost weight significantly.. lost lots of sleep. I was just a mess and had nightmares about the whole thing. vivid nightmares like I were seeing everything.. woke up in a cold sweat and everything. so I told my mother everything about the new issue giving me sleepless nights, she knew about our relationship.. and she said the way my girl was phrasing her texts, in the beginning, sounded like someone who made a grave mistake, like she may have been intoxicated, yes, but it wasn't not an offense. but either way, she is hurting and I need to be there for her, if after she is better and I feel I can't go on anymore then I can break things off. because in her words (a relationship that works should be one you want to have).
went back to my girl even though I was furious that she shouted at me and the whole thing hurt me too, I put my feelings aside. and focused on her.. but she wanted nothing to do with me. she wants me to leave her alone, she was done. and constantly even said more hurtful stuff to me. I just took it all and told her that she isn't think straight. that we will talk in person when she is done with what she is doing and is with reach. holidays maybe.. and she just left my texts unresponded to. and I said at that moment "I love you. I will give you space."
and during the next week my emotions about everything started surfacing bit by bit as I was waiting on her. and now my family is very close, my aunt(my mom's best friend and sister) passed, she was ill, and chaos in my family broke out, I'd never seen my mother cry like that ever in my life. spent the night at her place and she was crying in her sleep.. even around 2 am. and that was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I just broke down emotionally, and I went of social media, turned of one of my phones and left another one.. while working at home on the funeral and getting my bearings..
all in the same week.. during the funeral as the casket goes down my girl texts me as tears are spilling out my eyes and I feel like I'm losing fluids on all holes, groggy and completely introverted.. she calls again.. and I don't answer it... it would be too much in that moment for me.. and I was honestly just trying to avoid losing it some more. (I've always tried to protect those I love and in no less than 13 days, two people I loved the most in this world experienced immense pain. do you know how painful it is to sit there holding your mother while she is wailing out her mind and you feel like there is nothing you could possibly do to make her feel better? the powerlessness of it)
my girl send another message saying she will be in town for a few minutes, she is passing through, and it was on the day of the funeral, right at the climax of it.. then in my mind, l don't want to lie, I was slightly mad at her at this moment, because I had been hurting since that point when I said we experience something I will not state(highlighted in bold above) and with all these events I've just been pushing my feelings aside with her distancing herself from me and still wanting me to be there for her. not taking my feeling into account.. and I've even said this to her that she has a tendency of forgetting that I'm human too, that I have feelings too... but during those times she would just say that I've just cultivated the idea in her head that I will always be there for her.. that she can depend on me but she doesn't want to share the empathy saying it takes away from her pain when she considers mine. she cant comfort me when she is hurt..(saying she can't save me when she needs to be saved herself). so it also made me not consider answering at that moment, wanted to sort my emotions on my own first
after not seeing my response she just nonchalantly says "I will take that as a no on the meetup" and I say nonchalantly because I could feel it. it was short and careless. when before she sent this I had sent a paragraph apologising and telling her to take her time. and that I loved her. we never, don't say I love you back. and she had done that to me knowingly. I don't know, I just felt I needed to put my self first. or at least not be this much of a mess if I'm going to go have to comfort someone else. and I had been doing that for so long that I felt entitled to this moment. needless to say, we didn't meet up.
got on social media again after two weeks had been off for 1 week.. and I check on her. she had been active even posted a picture.. a total of 3 weeks have passed for both of us not talking. I contact her asking her where she was, I wanted to see her, hopefully, talk the way I had intended at first. and she blows me off, saying after how long? why now? then said she went out with friends. I just ignored the other stuff and asked when she will be home, she said she might spend the night else were.. (she knew how to tease me and she was.) so I said alright when will you be back.. and she says I should answer her first questions. so I tell her. that I would prefer we talk face to face, cause things to get lost in translation. and she refuses. so I tell her about the funeral and she goes ham about it, saying I didn't tell her so it's not her fault. and she is right. I didn't, but just like she needed time I needed time... but either way. I did not tell her that I needed time when she just said she moved on with her life I said okay. and left her.
​
this part is hindsight, some guy pulled moves on her as she told him how I betrayed her and all by leaving her hanging. and when I contacted her she had already started flirting with him. (part of this feels quick because she dated the guy a couple of days after) makes me think that maybe its one of the other guys she had on the convos id come across. but anyway.. at the time I didn't know. but proceeded to move on, but I was broken started smoking and stuff. cut contact again. she blocked me on a lot of stuff. how do I know..?? friends would ask me about what she posts and I would tell them I don't know, but they still could see it, and I didn't bother to tell them we broke up again. just avoided it all until they asked.. to be honest, I just didn't want to think about it at all.
couldn't sleep, got nightmares left to right and centre. in larger social circles her friends would tell people that I broke up with her because she got into her misfortune.. that left my reputation and name in shambles. which really wasn't true because she broke up with me, again. would get friends calling me telling me how social media people say the have cancelled me and stuff. but thinking of sharing my own thoughts and point, I would stop myself because I would think maybe she will start getting asked again and it will create stress for her.. so I just kept my thoughts to myself, only told close friends when the asked just so they get the right idea. their thoughts were more important to me.
​
now this is where it all gets freaky.. remember I said I couldn't sleep? id get cold shivers and even see her in my dreams. waking up at 2 am in the morning. turns out she is my twin flame. trust me I am not quick to superstitions but after the months I had endured. not going to get into detail but it fell to this... twin flame. she told me that she would dream about me too. she even calls it manifesting. says she was on a spiritual journey. and to be honest I was on one too. and how we met again she sent me a message on Pinterest. three dots, and weird enough I usually don't use but Pinterest something told me to check it out, pin a couple of pictures, and I found the message with three dots... I responded with a question mark, she said sorry she didn't think i'd see it and respond.. and another time before that she sent me a message requesting for a call. when I did she said it was a mistake and I hung up. but this time I was pissed but calm, so I just say "what do you want, is this a mistake like last time" and she says it won't happen again. the night after, I experienced the most chilling dream ever, like I was losing something. it took me some time to fight my stubbornness but I eventually just contacted her on the same Pinterest that she used to get to me.. and she had been praying about it. we started talking again.. and we are dating again.
where there other girls for me? yes. one even treated me better than my girl did, and if I didn't get that spiritual vibe I honestly probably would have continued with the girl(we just took care of each other, she even felt we were of the same yoke,). but we weren't in a relationship, and I didn't love her and she knew, I didn't see myself getting married and made that clear. even now I am hesitant. because I've been through so much. and I feel like getting married is a much bigger vow, don't want to risk abandonment, especially since these days people don't take it that seriously, id rather she left as my girlfriend. now coming back together, we were honest again about everything, and this time she also had sex with other guys. ( before all this I was her first and only) but she just brushes it off saying they don't count, when I ask her why she just says she didn't cum, therefore she doesn't count them (honestly sometimes i just feel like she feeding me bullshit with this one. i just feel uneasy but she did say that the guy was a wolf in sheepskin) and she had broken up with the guy she says she dated after we broke up. she said she felt like she loved him until she realised she didn't and ended things.
but as far as my commitment, I just can't break up with her.. she just might break up with me again if that's her wish. we've kind of taken a dom/sub relationship, I'm am very dominant naturally but I can be a switch, she is a sub, and she enjoys it that way. sex life has become darker, with the consent of course. she is a brat, I'm not yet sure what I am, just that I'm dominant, we both have traumas but were working through them, which reminds me I need to get a collar...
i want your honest opinion, am I crazy? is my story unique at any point?
TL;DR
Ive been dating someone i really care about on and off for 6 years. but mostly because she breaks up with me and in that process we have gone through a lot in life. so much that even our sex life has become darker. and she often ignores my emotions to the point i feel like I'm considered a robot. but i have vivid dreams about her and so does she about me, but i just feel uneasy about her sometimes due to what has now become my abandonment issues though they are self diagnosed. she tells me that i have a saviour complex and her a victim complex..
submitted by Training-Answer-742 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

when a guy texts xoxo video

Take a look at the answers they gave for reasons to send hugs and kisses, or XOXO.1. What does it mean when a guy texts you xoxo? But what does XOXO mean and why do Xs and Os translate to gestures of love and affection? By licking that person, they are trying to relieve their stress because they know this is a welcome gesture. Most often, people send xoxo texts as a sign of affection, whether among friends or in a relationship. The way to tell which way to receive the text will depend on the context and the person who is sending it to you. We’ll show you how to respond to xoxo text from friends, crushes, girlfriends, boyfriends, and even people you’re not into. It can be ,because xoxo means hug and kisses.It means that guy wants to say that he wants to kiss and hug you.But of course you should avoid to jump into conclusion that he has something about you. This is to avoid being in pain when how you see it is not the way he wants you to expect it. Just wait for more actions that he will send to you , if he is getting sweeter then that is a good sign ... But if a guy texts you first, he likes you and wants to start a new conversation with you. Guys won’t waste their time texting with someone, if they do not like them. Yup :p #howifeel #feel #sorry #sorrynotsorry #ijustwanttosayhello #haha #text #textfirst #funny #funnyshit #hilarious #humour #jokes #witty #instafunny #instalaugh # ... XOXO: Rules for Flirting Through Text. By. Mariam Jehangir - May 28, 2013. Facebook. Twitter. Google+. Pinterest. WhatsApp. Texting is undoubtedly one of the most useful tools for flirting. It’s fun, sexy and easy to turn up the heat with your partner — whether it be a new crush or your long-term beau – just by pressing the ‘send ... Don’t read too much into his XOXO because he didn’t think that hard about sending it. 3. He is your best friend and is just a fun-loving guy when it comes to you. It is his ways of saying he loves you in a brother kind of way. Every girl needs at least one best guy friend to have her back and love on her in a platonic way. Xoxo means hugs and kisses. If your question is what does the guy mean when he sent you xoxo, i think that it depends on how much you are close to him and the conversation at that moment. If the conversation was normal and he never sent you heart ... XOXO Variations (or Ways We Use XOXO) Today, XOXO is used so frequently that the XOXO meaning has become more nuanced. We use plenty of variations of and substitutes for XOXO—whether it's in a written letter, email, text or chat. XOXO: When we're using double Xs and Os, it's like we're covering the other person in hugs and kisses. Usually ... I'm just curious, as it's the first time that I received a text from a guy that says xoxo.. so would just want to know what he means? Cause I find it quite random since I have never see him sends this before.. and that He just suddenly sends me that, after half an hour from his previous text to me to thank me for something that he asked me about.. This guy I'm involved with sometimes texts me "xoxo". He is a bit older than me and already involved with someone but we are friends with benefits. He has said that we can't ever become anything due to his other relationship and the age difference. However, the "xoxo" confuses me, a bit? Does he actually care about me and this is his way of showing it?

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